Category Archives: Busyness

Fruitful “Bunny Trails”

November 1, 2015Busyness, gratitude, joy, Mid life, personal growth, Purposelouise

1 Corinthians 12:6 “God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.”

I’m offering a glimpse into my awkwardly-haulted, mid life, empty-nester, sandwich generation life — but I’m hoping you won’t diagnose me just yet. Because wonder and expectation are the joys I’m beginning to taste, as God gives me a new perspective on who I truly am, and why I’m here right now. This crazy “bunny trail” might be fruitful after all.

If you’re new to my blog, you can click on red links for previous posts. Since last spring God’s message to me has been to abandon many things that once defined a good Christian life to me. To be still and listen for His voice. Midlife is a new stage, and He is doing a new thing! So, I stopped doing much of the activity that felt comfortable, good and right. My days begin as a pretty blank slate and end full to overflowing, but without an easy description.

In my decreased “doing” and increased “being” I’ve felt… what? It’s still hard to articulate. For the first extended period of my life I’ve felt insecure, inadequate, afraid, vulnerable, old, obsolete, invisible… like the me I know is slipping away.

Isaiah 43:19 “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

At the same time, I feel confident that God is doing something important — preparing my heart for what’s next. Secretly I’m expectant, but I’m also embarrassed. It’s now obvious to the casual observer that I’m muddling.

I was once a young girl living for achievement to prove my worth. Could it be that my adult “performance pendulum” needed to swing to what FEELS TO ME like the opposite extreme — an unproductive and worthless life — when in reality, I am discovering my sweet spot in seeking Jesus and His will for my days?

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I think God’s current work in me required this path where not much makes sense and I feel inept — because this season leaves me increasingly distrustful of my flesh and clinging more whole-heartedly to God: His love, His Word and His Sovereign goodness.

Galatians 5:24 “Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

I cherish solitude. I need to discover who I am in His eyes, what He’s teaching, and where He’s calling me. To allow Him to search me and show me where I need to repent. To let God fill me to overflowing. Oftentimes so much solitude feels lonely, but His call is stronger than the world’s distraction.

Sound peaceful? Think again. Here’s that real-life glimpse into my home with no “ugly staging.” That’s why I’ve been perplexed as to what’s going on. I think I’m being obedient, but it looks fruitless and really BAD on the outside…

I did clean out the stuffed-to-gurgling skimmer and even some of the leaves in the pool, but all while I was on the phone with a friend, so I couldn’t finish the job well… (half-baked is a theme around here)

The suitcase is still partially packed from a weekend getaway… 2 weeks ago. It’s become a makeshift dirty clothes hamper. The heels were from last weekend’s wedding (I didn’t decide which to wear until we arrived), the boots from the Young Life Banquet — all reminders of wonderful times, but I’m sure Rob wishes they weren’t just inside the bedroom door!

This pretty flower arrangement could have been separated into several nice gifts for neighbors after the event. What a great excuse to drop by for a visit! Instead it’s been in the garage… next to the citrus fertilizer I need to spread. Or did I miss that window?

I could go on… message me for the other 10 snapshots if you need more evidence that God’s directives can look messy.

I have ample time on my hands to do all that’s left undone. I just haven’t been using my extra hours to accomplish much of anything. Maybe like me you’re sort of dismayed by my neglect. I’ve been hard on myself, but unable to “get it together,” because the call I’ve felt to “be still” is much stronger than the urge to jump in.

Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, what do I wait for and expect? My hope and expectation are in You.”

I have made time to rekindled the gift of hospitality and met with or talked to numerous family and friends. We’ve shared, laughed, cried and prayed. I’ve been involved with a variety of people, but not in my usual activities.

In a scheduled world where so many people are driven to get things done, I have very little to show for my time these past months. God has given me permission to be available, unstructured and present with others. To rest and to be alone with Him, without words.

I’ve been able to “be there,” precisely because I’m not really needed anywhere else. I’ve felt uneasy with change. It hasn’t been glamorous or noteworthy — but maybe it’s been fruitful. I’m learning to let my life be a simple gift. To pay attention and be present. And that my “work” is no less valuable when it’s unannounced and unseen.

I think my Granny’s life held more secrets to the truth of John 10:10 than I ever realized.

I’m even starting to see the Godliness inherent in the mundane daily tasks required to keep the wheels on my bus — I just have a whole lot of catching up to do!

My undertakings aren’t very exciting in and of themselves, but I’m developing a refined taste for them and a new joy in each moment. I think it’s because all these little tasks comprise the humble everyday work of being me. Of life to the full.

What about you? Philippians 1:6 says “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” His work is ongoing.

Are you so busy doing what you do, that there’s no space for the Holy spirit to speak something new? Jeremiah 2:25 says, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? But you say, ‘I can’t help it. I’m addicted to alien gods. I can’t quit.'”

Or are you in transition — missing the “old days” and wondering if life will ever be vibrant again? “But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12)

Maybe you have to spend more time than you ever imagined managing invisible health issues? Psalm 92:14 — “They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.”

What is God whispering in your ear? Will you still yourself to listen and let God do a new thing? “May the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” (1 Thess 5:23 – 24)

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My Big, Fat Summer Vacation was Not what I Expected

August 4, 2015Busyness, heart of prayer, joy, personal growth, Purposelouise

Do you feel like you need a vacation? A break from everything? Are you burned out? Exhausted? Could it be a sabbatical of sorts is just what the Great Healer is ordering? That’s what happened to me this summer — in a most unexpected manner.

“In the natural life our ambitions are our own, but in the Christian life we have no goals of our own. We talk so much about our decision for Christ, our determination to be good Christians, and our decisions for this and that, but in the New Testament the only aspect that is brought out is the compelling purpose of God. “You did not choose Me, but I chose you” (John 16:16) …

We are not taken into conscious agreement with God’s purpose — we are taken into God’s purposes with no awareness of it at all.” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

It’s been 3 months since I last posted about the fruit of the Spirit. At the time, ideas for future posts raced in my head. Then — nothing. I try to write only when God is prompting me. He hasn’t again, until now.

The excerpt above is a great framework for where God is working in me. If you’re worn out, overwhelmed, and feel there’s got to be more to this life, you might relate to my story.

Back in the spring, I was working hard to know the life God wanted for me. Bible Study was going well. I was discovering my role on the Young Life Board. We haven’t joined a church, so I recommitted to the search. To building community here in Tallahassee (after all, it’s been 3 years). I was trying my best to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, neighbor and friend — and praying my way through it all. When God gently said, “Stop.”

Not audibly, but clearly. I knew deep inside that I needed to cease doing most of the things that currently defined life for me — what felt comfortable, right and good. Even things that “had worked” in the past. I sheepishly graduated my Bible Study group (who continue beautifully on their own). I totally missed church for more than a month of Sundays with summer travel. Thankfully, not much is currently required of me — because I’ve been strangely unable to initiate, organize, read, serve, pray or otherwise accomplish in my usual ways (poor Rob).

I resisted the temptation to gear up when life began to get uncomfortably slow… and I let myself putter to a quiet stop.

Despite my ineptitude, I haven’t felt far from God. I know He is here and orchestrating the details, even though I’ve been too distracted for months to mutter much more than one-liner prayers. Instead, I’m looking to Him without words and accepting His provision and promises. All my striving to be who I thought God wanted me to be was exhausting me and making me literally sick.

“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” (Proverbs 18:12)

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30 – emphasis mine)

While on the surface there is somewhat normal-looking activity, my usual spiritual activity has been abruptly interrupted. I’ve felt sheepish, but not guilty. I think He’s teaching me to rest and listen for His voice…

Last weekend, for the first time in a long while, He enveloped me in His peace. The kind that passes understanding. The kind that’s all about Jesus and His promises. The kind that settles in and grows.

God is good. All the time. He has a plan even when it makes no sense — especially then. Because if we have life figured out and under control, it’s probably our own agendas at play.

He is more than worthy of our trust. Truth and insight continue to overcome me. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Yes… His fruit was the gift of grace I experienced driving home from another summer trip. And in the midst of several scattered showers, literally visible across the south Georgia landscape, we saw a brilliant, full arc rainbow.

In my last post, I suggested we want to be less like revved up race cars following the pace car (Jesus) and more like lowly containers on a freight train, with Jesus as our engine.

It’s obvious now that as I wrote, I was still in full race car mode. Jesus has not only ground my engine to a stop, but is inviting me to exit my car. To walk away from my definitions of a good Christian life, and hitch my life to His anew. Surrender is never ending.

We almost cancelled our trip to England and Ireland this summer. Since we went, it felt important for Jesus to “meet me there” and give me meaningful interactions with others and with Himself. I wanted my travel to count for more than just “self-indulgent vacationing.” I had ideas of how this might look, and tried to be alert for Jesus each day. Sounds like a race car just waiting to be cut loose!

Instead it felt like I was vacationing from God too — in Europe and all through the summer. My images of how He would “show up” didn’t materialize. The countryside was artistry. The Cliffs of Moher rising out of the ocean — majestic. The people warm and inviting. Overall, the trip was very restful and insightful, but I never found a space for normal “quiet time” or the things I wanted to do. Still, His hand was sovereign and His presence obvious.

Any “work” accomplished hasn’t been done BY me, but IN me and in spite of me. He is asking me to release my old view of Christian life and trust Him to light my way. In the present. In each moment. To be surrendered and available for His purposes. Being open to His will sometimes requires a little planned neglect.

I’m certainly not advocating for anyone to quit church, praying or reading God’s Word — quite the opposite. But I think I was so caught up in trying to do it all, and do it right, that I was often missing Him and His will.

In His wisdom God created for me, even seemingly mandated, a summer vacation of sorts. A sabbatical from all I believed useful and necessary to do for Him. He caused me to cease my busyness (even spiritual busyness) in order to rest in Him. To experience His Fruit in new ways. And to create a space with enough silence to really listen for His still small voice. That’s where I’m expectantly waiting today.

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Live Like You were Dying or My Life is in YOU, Lord

December 23, 2014Busyness, Freedom, joy, Live like you are dying, personal growth, waitinglouise

Not long after high school my boyfriend and I were floating on rafts about 100 feet off shore when we saw a huge dorsal fin. “Jaws” had come out not long before; I truly thought I was about to die.

I was a believer, so I called out to Jesus, right? Nope. My near death thoughts surprised even me. I still remember a vivid moment of regret — wishing I had experienced a little more of what this world had to offer, instead of dying young, naive and well-behaved.

When death feels imminent, we get honest about who we are, what we believe, and what we really want. That day God exposed all the worldly idolatry that gripped my good-girl heart.

Recently my Bible study group had the privilege of meeting with a friend who has stage 4 cancer. He’s lived well past his prognosis — shifting between cities, doctors and treatments in an Herculean effort to beat the odds one more time. I highly encourage you to read his story and all God is doing through it in his excellent blog.

He doesn’t accept the cancer pass on doing good deeds that the world offers him, but strives to live well and serve others. Jesus is his life, and life is more precious to him than ever.

His joy is evident as he tells stories, preaches, teaches and generally blesses everyone God places in his path. He’s honest, humble, vulnerable, wise, loving and possibly more fully alive than anyone I know. Despite cancer, it seems he’s having fun! I’m still mulling over thoughts from my morning with Ed.

I’ve been wondering: Why are all of us not living more like Ed? Death is everyone’s imminent reality. We may not make it until bedtime or we could live to be 100. Regardless, our time on earth is finite and fleeting as compared to eternity.

What is my day-to-day life saying about who I worship? Why am I not more vulnerable, grateful, bold, joyful and in love with Jesus? Why should I be trusting in anything but Him? Why do I think I can “live like I was dying” at any time but the present?

The idea that I allow anything to trump God as the center of my devotion is horrifying. Yet I’m afraid my flesh is still much like it was that day with the shark. At 18, I had goals to accomplish and experience. Prayer meant asking His blessings on my plans and ideas.

Now I’m 50. Do I still want to do things my way? To follow the world’s prescriptions? Do other people and things feel more urgent and important than the God who created me and loves me? Am I consistently trusting in Jesus or is my flesh finding its security elsewhere?

Despite God’s work in my heart, I frequently mess up my priorities. I know the Truth from experience — that God is my sufficiency, my joy and my first love. But it takes my intentional daily surrender in time spent with Him for me to live in this Truth. Sadly, I don’t always give Him the time I want to —

Unchecked, my flesh still believes the lies that say life is found in all that brings comfort, ease and enjoyment. I chase after the good this world offers with all my heart, soul, strength and mind — and fit Jesus in as often as I can. No matter how often I pray, my priorities say my full devotion to God is saved for the proverbial “tomorrow,” after I’ve consumed all I can, and things aren’t so busy and pressing.

The Bible calls my problem idolatry. Colossians 3:5-6 says “Put to death what is earthly in you, sexual immorality, impurity, evil desire and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.”

Idolatry can also describe things that are originally good gifts from God. When placed ahead of our devotion to God, even a spouse, children or parents, school, ambitions, church service, jobs, friends, homes, health — anything becomes an idol if it trumps God in achieving our devotion and attention.

God’s jealousy is righteous. John Piper teaches that God deserves our deepest affections and admiration. His is also “a loving jealousy, because we were made to find our greatest joy when He is our greatest treasure… if we find God to be so boring or so negligible that we must put other things in his place that really satisfy us more than he does, then we not only offend him, but we also destroy ourselves. And those two things make God angry… And idolatry contradicts both of those things and so his wrath comes upon the idolater.”

At Christmas, we celebrate something mind blowing — the most powerful and joyous event ever! The Creator of the universe left His perfect heaven, became a baby who grew into a man — fully God and fully human. A man who lived a holy life, suffered and died. Why would He do this?

Jesus came to save us from ourselves, our sins and idolatry. He not only asks that we live like we are dying but that we DO DIE to ourselves, so that we may really live — today! Here on earth. Jesus deserves my first fruits of time, attention and love — without any close seconds. He asks that I put nothing before Him for any reason. Can we turn from our idolatry and give Jesus the gift of our love and devotion this Christmas, before and above anything else? Can we tell Him, Jesus, You are my Life?

Luke 9:23 – And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Galatians 5:24 – And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
Mark 8:35 – For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.

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