Category Archives: Like a little child

An eChallenge for eAddicts (and those who love them)

September 21, 2014Busyness, Freedom, heart of prayer, joy, Like a little child, personal growthlouise

We live in a new culture where traditional social interactions are often discouraged in favor of efficiency. Acts of kindness, respect, and simple acknowledgement of the people around us used to turn into friendships that knit us together. Many normally interactive routines have disappeared in our fast-paced world. We’re not encouraged to casually speak face-to-face with each other any more than necessary.

My hunch is that the resulting percentage of people experiencing chronic, low grade loneliness is well above the reported 40% — there’s an ugly stigma tied to feeling lonely. We hide it, even from ourselves, as we glorify busyness.

Researchers say soaring statistics around loneliness — directly attributable to our electronic obsessions — are bound to worsen without dramatic change on the parts of users. Let’s do something about it.

The eChallenge

Give up or limit electronic use for a period of time
Focus on connecting with people — That’s it.

2 experiments for myself:

No automated anything. No pay at the pump, ATMs, online interactions. No screens at all (phones and computers) for a short period. Engage more face-to-face, even when it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable.
Severely and systematically limit Computer, iPad and Smart phone use. Turn OFF all notifications — for a week. Engage more face-to-face. Intentionally create opportunities to connect and know people, risking they’ll think I’m strange.

The Goal — jumpstart to abundant Life. Wholeheartedness. Vibrant Connections. Messy, meaningful sharing of life with others. Friendships with skin on. Community. Finding God’s path…

If you’re convinced that more facetime and less screentime might enhance your life, make a plan, any plan… The point is to realize how intrusive and addicting electronics can be; and that there’s opportunity costs in all our clicking. My guess is our lives will be ENRICHED in many noteworthy ways. Not the least of which might be creating time and space to pray. Prayer is our number one connection.

Other tips: Assume interactions are meaningful. Engage others where silence is the code. Like elevators — how scandalous. Really see the people around you. Ask questions, and reveal something of yourself. Learn names. Watch an episode of The Waltons, Happy Days or The Cosby Show to remind yourself how much life has changed in a short period of time.

Information technology is beneficial and here to stay. As a user, I just need a bit of retraining: To stop being a modern-day electronic lemming. To discover how my habits might be isolating me and steering me down a dead end street. And to get a jumpstart on the road to Life.

Would you consider accepting the challenge? I’d love to hear how it goes. Below are a few sobering eStats to give you a push.

eStats

70% of Americans sleep with cell phones within arm’s length. 1/3 get online before getting out of bed.
61% check our phones at least EVERY hour.
Adults spend at least 8-12 hours staring at screens. That’s more time than we spend on any other activity, including sleeping. (messy house? Fatigue? No wonder!)
Despite the fact that most young people have an average of 243 Facebook friends, it’s not translated into real-life friendships. (Adults too?) Researchers theorize we are spending so much time online, that we no longer have time to go out with our non Facebook friends.
More than half of us admit that we find it more difficult to make friends in “real life” than online.
“Skin hunger” is a real condition that is impacting more and more of us… Eighteen-year olds are as lonely as eighty-year olds, and they want a friendship service because they can no longer make friends the traditional ways.
Why do we keep clicking? One possible answer: Dopamine, which regulates our reward and pleasure centers. We get a “hit” when we get a technological ping. What is the result? For a brief moment we feel known. Research proves when we get low levels of dopamine (hits), we are prone to addiction. (Davis, Connecting, 47-49)

91% of adults use a cell phone – the cell phone is the most quickly adopted consumer technology in the history of the world – and youth ages 12-17 put their cell phone adoption at 78%, and 37% of all teens have a smartphone
A recent study of Facebook users found that the amount of time you spend on the social network is inversely related to how happy you feel throughout the day. (slate.com)
67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. (Pew Review)
The increased mortality risk of loneliness is comparable to that of smoking and about twice as dangerous as obesity.
Social isolation impairs immune function and boosts inflammation, which can lead to arthritis, type II diabetes, and heart disease.

Admittedly, I’m a little anxious, but … HERE GOES.

Are you on the Path of Life?

September 18, 2014Freedom, heart of prayer, joy, Like a little child, loneliness, personal growthlouise

Some people — whether they feel happy, sad, scared or whatever — live wholeheartedly. We are drawn to them and wonder with longing what their secret is. They are introverts, extroverts, men and women from all walks of life. What they have in common is a deep and meaningful connection to others. They feel known and loved in a world where life is a journey meant to be experienced and shared.

Perhaps it was never in their temperaments to hide or isolate themselves. Or it’s possible they’ve made a conscious decision to risk living intertwoven with others – even though they are sometimes hurt, rejected and fail. Either way, their lives are attractive and desirable, but belonging to this vibrant group eludes some of us. What is it they have, that we might not? Some possibilities:

Courage and willingness to be imperfect. We all acknowledge we are sinful, for goodness sakes, surely honest mistakes and sub par performances are allowed.
Compassion (this will surprise you) toward themselves first and then others. They are not their own worst critic, therefore they give ample grace to both themselves and others.
Vulnerability. It’s is the human condition, and even more so for Christians. While some of us find this a terribly painful truth, those who live fully connected and alive surrender to it’s necessity. Vulnerability is at the heart of belonging, which leads to fullness and the freedom to live artfully.
Pebble Hill Plantation, Georgia

There’s another group of us who flirt with life on Lonely Street — and know in our hearts we’re missing something. What if time spent on the continuum of chronic loneliness inversely impedes our experience of the abundant life God promises? Let’s view loneliness, for a moment, as the antithesis of abundant life. Are you living life to the fullest most of the time? If not, are you willing to take another path?

I know how painful it is to to trust, to let your guard down and others in — only to get burned. It happens in business, families and friendships. No one is totally immune. What do we do in response?

When our relationships fail or don’t meet our expectations, most of us withdraw. With each subsequent rejection, we build more walls — and we succeed in keeping others out and feeling isolated.

But the truth is relationships aren’t all about what we receive as individuals. We are made to live in community with others, as image bearers of God. Consider Jesus’ relationships. He reaches out to others first (including you and me) and doesn’t seek people because they can benefit Him. He doesn’t keep score and he’s the first to resolve conflict and forgive.

He asks us to be like Him. In a nutshell, loving our neighbors (relationship) is about loving God and letting Him fill us with perfect love. God’s extravagant love, demonstrated to us on the cross and everyday of our lives, freely flows through us and impacts others.

Sometimes, we struggle to love this generously. We hoard God’s love inside our self-built walls. We live privately and politely, but we’re very careful not to go down narrow alleys where we might connect deeply and honestly enough to risk pain.

Remember I’m defining loneliness as a continuum that steals from us the abundant and joyful life God wants for us. Are you anywhere on that continuum, missing out on all God desires for you” Possibly —

clinging to entitlement: what I want? the good life? just having fun?
are you so strong you’re trying to carry God’s load?
do you refuse to be inconvenienced?
do you insist on hiding your imperfections from others?
are you afraid of dirtying your hands in the messiness of life?
do you escape to substance or behavioral abuse (technology included)?
do you worship busyness: schedules, tasks, and accomplishments?

What’s your MO? We want to think that loneliness happens to us, but most often we are inflicting pain on ourselves. We stubbornly insist on doing things our way, which means isolating ourselves from intimacy with the Living Christ and real relationships with our neighbors. A dead end street.

My encouragement is that we all embrace what God offers — abundance and fullness of life. The Message says it this way “I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.” (John 10:10)

Just before that (John 10:7-9), Jesus says this, “ I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy.

1 Peter 5:8 adds, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.“

Lions, enemies and thieves alike go for the prey they find straying from the herd. It’s not much of a stretch to say the devil has a much easier path to you when you are isolated and lonely. AND the Bible states clearly there is value in the body of Christ being connected and interdependent.

Back in January I wrote Like a Little Child – part 1 with some ideas about ways we’re different as little children than when we grow up. Part 2 was never written — I got stuck, because I didn’t have good answers as to why I hold back. That post is related to this one, because children offer some of our very best examples of abundant life; they are vulnerable, fearless, relational, fully alive people. God says to be like them in order to enter His Kingdom. I think this is true for heaven and on earth.

In God’s timing — I’m back at the crossroads. Today’s post is the follow up. There are many ideas for how to live whole heartedly in part 1. In this series on loneliness, I hope you’re convinced as to WHY it is worth the effort to end our chronic loneliness. To connect every day — deeply and casually. To become wholehearted like a little child. To stay on the God prescribed path that leads to Life.

Expect a challenge to follow. If you’re an electronics addict. If anything around chronic loneliness resonates with you (even if you have a great life and lots of friends). Or if you just want to live less distracted and more whole hearted — I’d love you to join me in seeking to live on the path of Life.

Psalm 16:11 “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

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Bringing Young Life Camp to my “Daily Grind” – part 2

July 31, 2014Busyness, heart of prayer, joy, Like a little child, personal growth, Purpose, Young Lifelouise

My last post was part one about the wonderful experience Rob and I had at Young Life Camp as two of nine adult guests. As hard as it was to leave home and the office for a week with no responsibilities (spoken tongue in cheek, and in all seriousness), both of us came back better people for it! I encourage you to scroll down to the last blog — or not. 😉

Continuing with observations in no particular order, because I am overwhelmed with things to take away and apply in Tallahassee (this is really #5, but it’s above my paygrade to get my blog to start numbering there for a new post):

all these and more got fresh clean towels!

There were roughly 700 people at Young Life Camp. Over 600 were campers, a handful of full time staff (what an amazing job for these talented people), and A LOT of mostly high school and college-aged volunteers who gave their summer and paid their way there to work for free, so that kids could have a blast and hear about Jesus! Young Life exemplifies a servant’s heart. 700+ people — all provided comfy beds with crisp, clean linens, towels in the cabin, towels by the lake and pool (thats a LOT of cleaning and washing and folding EVERYDAY for the tawashies and laundry girls – makes my job at home look ridiculously easy). We all had our quarters cleaned (including the private bath each cabin enjoyed), 21 meals and countless snacks for all 700+ people all week long. Home cooked and served at a seated meal — baked breads, buns and desserts (at least twice a day). Linen napkins folded differently each night … teachers, life guards, actors, singers, hometown leaders (deserving a number all their own)… all serving the safety, comfort and care of campers with varying dietary concerns, disabilities and boundless energy — and all doing it to speak the Gospel to the campers and invite them to trust in Jesus. The staff and volunteers are all a tremendous testament to the power of Jesus in our lives, if we let Him. John 11:26 says “If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. As a mom, that servant’s heart came naturally when my children were young, and I held various “official” volunteer roles. But what about in my everyday life as a member of the sandwich generation? At the office? With my neighbors? The questions deserve my prayer that God will reveal intentional paths to serve Him and others in little private ways — while continuing my planned neglect, as I seek His will.
At Young Life’s core are the volunteer leaders in each high school, Many of them are college students juggling academics, other extra curricular activities, the development of their own faith, jobs… and still they give an unimaginable amount of time to high school kids. They develop relationships and earn the right through love and caring to speak about Jesus. They don’t let the crazy busy pace of college or the culture stop them from serving. They sit at high school ball games, lunchrooms and hangouts. They make real friends. They prepare weekly for club and share their stories, all in the hopes a child will come to camp for “the best week of their lives,” to hear the Gospel and accept Jesus as their personal Savior. At camp they are in the trenches and the bunks. Exhausted, they rely on Jesus to answer questions, wipe tears, and to give them the stamina to pray and play hard. Their maturity of faith and their love for Jesus and the kids are both powerfully evident. But camp is only the beginning! They come home with the kids and lead them in Bible studies and the beginnings of a lifelong walk of faith. These YL leaders inspire me! What plan do I have to intentionally love people and lead them to Christ? Am I busier than the next person? 50 years are behind me. I’ve taught Sunday school and led countless Bible studies, but after camp I felt compelled to pray for forgiveness. How much more I could have loved and lived out the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20). Couldn’t I have at least one or two people God places on my heart to chase after for Him? To pursue in love, showing them Jesus in the process? Learning about their work and family, inviting them to church? And then never stop being available to the next one Jesus places on my heart? I want my “back nine” to count so much more for eternity!
Rest. At Sharp Top Cove, despite the full schedule and borderline chaos at times, I felt rest — Sabbath Rest. I’m guessing others did too… like the little boy who said it was the first time in a long time he had felt safe while sleeping. Rest is important. It’s a gift from God, and a commandment. Currently I am under the weather and resting with Him.
At Camp I experienced God’s abundance in wonderful ways. I don’t know the intricacies of Young Life’s budget, but I do know that they don’t carry debt to fund projects. They pray and build after the money is in — and then they celebrate God’s bountiful blessings! How? The average meal (and I’m talking about good food — even the adults with developed pallets love it) costs $1.71, because they are good stewards and they have a kitchen FULL of volunteer cooks, dish washers, bakers and servers — the body of Christ willing to humbly serve. Without them, camp wouldn’t work. I think God is powerfully multiplying some loaves and fishes here, because at Young Life Camp, we all felt His provision in every way (even in the weather that was forecast to be rain and more rain — but proved to be beautiful!). Psalm 65:11 promises “You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with abundance.” At YL, they EXPECT God to show up and work miracles. They don’t believe they can accomplish His work without His Hand, nor do they want to. Whatever He provides, they work with it. And all credit, praise and honor goes to God. I’m not a nonprofit — so how can anything similar apply to me? Am I a good steward of all God has given me? Do I give freely of my time, possessions, and talents, specifically for His Kingdom? And most importantly for my life, am I actively joining where God is already at work — to use the gifts He has given me as part of the body? Sometimes, I’m too much of an island. I go to church and leave, and try to accomplish God’s will and commands with just the two of us. At camp, I saw the power of community working together, corporate prayer and worship. I think if I listen, He will call me to humble and stretch myself — to serve as the “pinky toe” (or wherever He leads me) of the body of Christ in whatever place He is already moving. This in addition to where Jesus wants me to act privately and personally.
At Young Life Camp they meet people where they are. In Mark 2:17 Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” It’s not the mission of Young Life to judge or fix people, but to love them and show them the way to Jesus. God does the rest. To accomplish their calling takes tolerance and authenticity. A few kids spout expletives and ridicule the process. They are loved in return. Many leaders courageously share their stories. Stories of anger, failure, self righteousness, promiscuity, pride, partying and the like. Stories of brokenness; stories like mine and possibly yours. But they don’t stop there. They share how through the valleys and mountaintops, Jesus restores us! He saves us and heals us. They share how much fuller and more abundant life is with Jesus — and the kids see it for themselves and know it is true.

The campers are attracted to the Salt and Light that is all over camp — or they choose to run from it. Whether the campers accept Jesus at camp, later in life, or not at all — they have heard and experienced His Truth. They have seen His reflection in the faces of His children, and it is beautiful. That is something I can definitely bring home to Tallahassee. I hope Pink Reflections (my blog) is a little part of reflecting Jesus to the body and those living outside their purpose.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Young Life.