Category Archives: personal growth

Prayers that Move Mountains and Why they Matter to a Sovereign God

Do you pray with confidence and assurance that your prayers will be both heard and answered by God, Creator and Ruler of the universe? Do you believe your faith-filled prayers are a critical part of God’s plan? These are BIG ideas we often dismiss as impossible.

IMG_1557In Matthew 21:20 “Jesus replied, ‘Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, Go throw yourself into the sea, and it will be done.'” How does this verse apply to the life of a modern day Christian? To you and to me?

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8) These similar yet deepening repetitions suggest Jesus wants to impress us with an important truth: that we can and must expect answers to our prayers.

They also emphatically point to His understanding of our hearts, and how doubt and distrust toward God are our natural responses. He knows how easily we can check the box “time spent in prayer” without having vulnerable hearts and without any real expectation of a specific answer — even though we believe God is the Hearer of our prayers. Grabbing hold of the promise of answered prayer isn’t a half-hearted religious work — it’s spiritual and very intimate.

IMG_1358At the outset of His instructions to those learning to pray, God asserts that prayer is effective and profitable. “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” (Mark 11:24) If we are asking and not receiving– the problem isn’t God’s faithfulness to His promise, but something is amiss in our prayers. “You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:2-3)

To be clear, I’m not a believer in the name-it-and-claim-it prosperity gospel. Sometimes God’s answer is a refusal, because the request is not in alignment with God’s Word. He will redirect our petitions, but He doesn’t leave His seeking children in uncertainty as to His will.  Secondly, any honest prayer in relationship with the Father through Jesus is good, and He will use it for His purposes. There are many kinds of prayer. He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him. Here,  I’m exploring prayers of tremendous faith, because I have avoided them.

I feel challenged to authenticity in my prayer life. God’s asking me to explore what’s true about my actions and my heart for prayer? My faith? If I believed all Jesus says about my prayers — would it not change everything?

IMG_0641-224x300I’ve been guilty of weakening God’s Word around prayer by adding and applying my faulty human wisdom to it. God wants us to be confident in prayer. To pray like a child, trusting and believing. It is easier for my flesh to submit to “whatever happens,” without risking specific prayers and specific answers, than to take time to yield to the Holy Spirit — to be searched and purified so that I can pray His will with faith.

Admittedly, I’ve been contented with “politically correct prayers.” I knew God wanted me to pray, but I didn’t always understand why. I believe part of prayer’s purpose is to align my will with His. Sometimes I was confident of where He led me. Other times, not so much — so I rambled prayers that made sense from my best human understanding.  It’s hard enough discerning HIs will in my own life, how could I consistently know His will around the lives of others?

Intercessory prayer has been confusing and even frustrating to me at times. But I knew, for some reason God understood (but I didn’t), I was to pray earnestly for others. My MO was to pray in broad, sweeping stokes of obedience. I covered a lot of bases, asking for safe things like salvation, wisdom, peace and blessings. For security I always added a qualifier, “These are my wishes, God, but your will be done.” It felt right, surrendered, and submissive to pray this way. I’m not saying these were “wrong” or “bad” prayers, but definite answers to specific prayers of great faith were the exceptions, not the rule in my daily experience.

IMG_5530If I’m honest, the Bible verses suggesting I’d receive whatever I asked for in prayer felt like arrogant impossibilities.  I was praying prayers of submission and prayers of trust in God’s wisdom — but my life was sorely missing prayers of child-like faith. I had no picture of knowing God’s will confidently enough for my prayers to impact His hand. God is beginning to teach me otherwise.

God has a special will for the prayers of each of us. Just as we can’t do all good things, we can’t effectively and boldly pray for all things. We must ask Him for guidance in prayer. Sometimes I seek God’s will only in my inner feelings and convictions through the Holy Spirit. Other times I rely strictly on the Word. I’ve found I have the most confidence in prayer when I spend enough time to marry the two. When I am abiding in Him, listening to the Holy Spirit, and allowing the Word to dwell and abide in me, I learn what God wants me to pray for, and His will in the situation.

It takes a lot of intentionality to keep my heart and life under His influence day by day.  I regularly lose my focus on Him, and my spirit (and prayer life) wanders.  The desire of my heart in alignment with Him is weak and often not visible in my actions. The world wins my attention and affections way too often. But the joy of those faithful prayer times, when His will is clear to me, is addictive. I turn back to Him time and time again.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOnce God reveals His will to us, what is the practical purpose of our prayers? God is Sovereign. We get confused as to what that means. We think that what God wills must inevitably take place. He’ll do what He deems best — so why pray? Through God’s prompting, reading the Bible and classic writings, I’m beginning to understand how my erroneous thoughts and resulting confusion have limited my faith.

God wills a tremendous amount of blessings to His people that never come to them. Despite his earnest will and perfect love, they cannot come, because we do not will it. We were created with free will: one of the Bible’s great mysteries. I don’t pretend to understand it, but it does seem through our salvation and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, our free will is also renewed and redeemed. We can align our will with His, when we die to self.

God has chosen to make the execution of His will, in many (not all) things, dependent on the will of man. Much of God’s will that is revealed in His promises will only be fulfilled as our faith accepts it. Prayer is the catalyst by which otherwise inert blessings come to pass. Faith is the power by which God decides how much of His will shall be done in us.

IMG_0599With the advantage of hindsight, I can see these truths have been operating in my life for a while. When I have sought God for Who He is, clung to Him and His Word as my sufficiency, and asked for very specific things — He has blessed me beyond my imagination. Seeing His hand in my life gives passion to my faith and makes me want more of Him. I have experienced this child-like faith mostly when I was so broken that I knew God was my only hope for life. But isn’t this our condition everyday?

It’s God’s very Nature to love and to bless, but He leaves it up to us to pray and petition where the blessing is to come. What an honor! I’m learning  in baby steps through joyful faith, not grit, to add bold prayers of faith, once I know His will, to my conversations with God.

Of course I’ll never fully understand God or prayer while on earth — both are way larger and more mysterious than my mind can comprehend, but growth is always my goal. I welcome your thoughts, experiences and comments below. We can all learn from each other. It’s also a great time to mention I would be honored to pray for you — specifically. Just ask! 😉

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Sex and Singleness

Seianno, Italy
Seianno, Italy

Sex and Singleness: several have suggested I write about it. I’m happy to talk to all who ask, but putting my thoughts out there where anyone can read them? I’ve resisted. Recently, in discussing an altogether different topic, the subject of premarital sex was mentioned…  I felt God nudging me out of my comfort zone.

Prayerfully and very humbly I’m sharing some of how God led me during my single years after divorce. Hopefully, there’s something here for everyone:  for friends and parents, for singles of all ages, and for married folks who feel they messed up something important. God loves you and has your best interests at heart — in sexuality and all things.

First, what does God say in His Word? It’s always good to be clear on what the Bible says and know that you believe it. I like The Message for these verses — it takes away formality, which we use to see ambiguity, which allows us to rationalize… There are many more verses, but let’s consider these two.

Hebrews 13:4  “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.”

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’ There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

So exactly what God has to say about it, isn’t the debate. I don’t see much wiggle room. God makes it clear how we can live to please Him concerning sex. Is He limiting us? Or protecting us? 100% — God’s guidelines around sex (and anything else He asks of us) are NOT simply a limitation, even though He draws a firm line against premarital sex. He wants our lives to be abundant and full — in ALL seasons and situations.

Amalfi Coast, Italy
Amalfi Coast, Italy

God is offering us guardrails. This summer, Rob and I rode in a car along the Amalfi Coast. The “shoulder” was not a foot wide before plummeting to the sea, the driver spoke no English, and the two-way traffic was chaotic — buses, vans, bikes, and cars, all disregarding the marked lanes and moving forward in any way possible.

The guardrails were our only hope of arriving alive!  Everyone respected and trusted the wisdom of the guardrails — and the scars and scrapes along the sides of most vehicles proved their worth. Not even the pedestrians risked climbing over the rails to walk on the unprotected edge…  No one felt their experience was less exciting, less productive,  or limited in any way  by moving within the rails. Like us, they felt protected.

Amalfi. Italy
Amalfi. Italy

I don’t need to spell out the application of the guard rail metaphor to pre-marital sex. It’s equally applicable to loving your enemies, forgiving offenders, prayer without ceasing, tithing and many other direct commands of God. Will we trust Him in all things? Or will we decide for ourselves what is right, and live however we please?

A trusting, God-driven motivation is ultimately of utmost importance regarding premarital sex and many other choices.  As parents, no matter what our history, we know casual sex isn’t a good thing. We teach our kids to abstain using the Bible, fear of pregnancy, and anything else that might “work.” This is not necessarily bad, but any behavior modification done for another human being is somewhat shallow and difficult to sustain. Each of us needs to eventually make our decisions based on God’s will for us. We need to leave space for God to wrestle with loved ones where they are. Do we believe our prayers are our most precious and worthy efforts on other’s behalf — no matter where they are struggling?

Amalfi Coast
Amalfi Coast

It’s all about relationship — between an individual and God. It’s about loving God, trusting Him, and surrendering our desires to His will. He can use anything for our good — even our mistakes. He wants our hearts. 2 John 1:6 says “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.”

Do you trust Him and His ways?  Can you see how  faithful and good to you He has been? Do you believe He really has  “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) We want to obey because we love God, and our relationship with Him comes before all else. Not even in marriage should our love for God be in competition with our love for our spouse. It’s simple: love God first and foremost, and all the wonderful second things of life fall into place. Put second things first (ahead of God), and end up with nothing working quite right.

Seianno, Italy
Seianno, Italy

The earthly benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex are way longer-lived and more satisfying than any momentary pleasure gained from illicit sex. At a minimum, trust and respect between marriage partners will be profoundly enhanced. What joy and security there is in knowing your spouse’s love for the Lord is more important than anything else — and worth sacrificing for. It’s the foundation God says works best for marriage.

How to do it?  The familiar verse is 1 Corinthians 10:13. “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”  Pray and trust — and add a little common sense to it!

Don’t ask others to read your mind — tell them what you’re thinking.  When dating, your commitment to wait until marriage should be discussed on the front end. If the other person doesn’t get it, you have saved yourself the heart ache of falling in love with the wrong one! You are looking for a maturity of faith and a commitment to God in your partner, or I’m guessing you wouldn’t have read this far. Don’t compromise God’s perfect plan for you.

Sorrento, Italy
Sorrento, Italy

If the person you are dating has no personal commitment to purity, but will honor your wishes, that could become an issue in more ways than one.  You want God to be their #1 if you are even considering an intimate relationship. Also when one person is weak, the other is strong. Personal prayers, and conversations about why you are waiting need to always be at the forefront of the relationship. Be clear, even with yourself, that God is Lord and the undisputed #1 love of your life!

A warning about prayer. I know it sounds strange… but in my experience, praying with someone of the opposite sex can equal or even surpass the intimacy of sex — and the premature closeness can cause relational vulnerability. Don’t rush into praying together. Do pray without ceasing through every date — reminding yourself that your loving,  good Father is with you — protecting you and showing you His path that leads to Life!

Italy
Italy

And what about those, married or single, who have already “messed up” on on this one — those who were unable to resist? A majority of people from their early adolescence have to deal one way or another with their God-given sexual appetite. 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Psalm 103:12 gives further assurance, “He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west.” 

There may still be consequences, but if you seek forgiveness and repent (turn toward God and His ways), anyone can begin anew. Our God is a God of grace and great redemption!

I love the imagery below:  life God’s way is “a living, spirited dance.” Pleasing and trusting God in all of life isn’t drudgery or a wet blanket —  it’s our JOY! It’s not up to us to figure it out or even to make it happen. We just need to be sure we’re spending time with Him daily, and inviting Him to work in us as we surrender our will to His and love Him most of all.

1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5  “One final word, friends. We ask you—urge is more like it—that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance. You know the guidelines we laid out for you from the Master Jesus. God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God.”

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An eChallenge for eAddicts (and those who love them)

IMG_1485We live in a new culture where traditional social interactions are often discouraged in favor of efficiency. Acts of kindness, respect, and simple acknowledgement of the people around us used to turn into friendships that knit us together. Many normally interactive routines have disappeared in our fast-paced world. We’re not encouraged to casually speak face-to-face with each other any more than necessary.

My hunch is that the resulting percentage of people experiencing chronic, low grade loneliness is well above the reported 40% — there’s an ugly stigma tied to feeling lonely. We hide it, even from ourselves, as we glorify busyness.

Researchers say soaring statistics around loneliness — directly attributable to our electronic obsessions — are bound to  worsen without dramatic change on the parts of users. Let’s do something about it.

The eChallenge

  • Give up or limit electronic use for a period of time 
  • Focus on connecting with people  — That’s it. 

2 experiments for myself:

  1. No automated anything. No pay at the pump, ATMs, online interactions. No screens at all (phones and computers) for a short period.  Engage more face-to-face, even when it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable.
  2. Severely and systematically limit Computer, iPad and Smart phone use. Turn OFF all notifications — for a week.  Engage more face-to-face. Intentionally create opportunities to connect and know people, risking they’ll think I’m strange.

The Goal — jumpstart to abundant Life. Wholeheartedness. Vibrant Connections. Messy, meaningful sharing  of life with others. Friendships with skin on. Community. Finding God’s path…

Highlands, NC
Inviting chairs — Highlands, NC

If you’re convinced that more facetime and less  screentime might enhance your life, make a plan, any plan…  The point is to realize how intrusive and addicting electronics can be; and that there’s opportunity costs in all our clicking. My guess is our lives will be ENRICHED in many  noteworthy ways. Not the least of which might be creating time and space to pray. Prayer is our number one connection. 

Other tips: Assume interactions are meaningful.  Engage others where silence is the code. Like elevators — how scandalous. Really see the people around you. Ask questions, and reveal something of yourself. Learn names. Watch an episode of The Waltons,  Happy Days or The Cosby Show to remind yourself how much life has changed in a short period of time.

IMG_0972
Thomasville, GA

Information technology is beneficial and here to stay. As a user, I just need a bit of retraining: To stop being a modern-day electronic lemming. To discover how my habits might be isolating me and steering me down a dead end street. And to get a jumpstart on the road to Life.

Would you consider accepting the challenge?  I’d love to hear how it goes.  Below are a few sobering eStats to give you a push.

eStats 

  • 70% of Americans sleep with cell phones within arm’s length. 1/3 get online before getting out of bed.
  • 61% check our phones at least EVERY hour.
  • Adults spend at least 8-12 hours staring at screens. That’s more time than we spend on any other activity, including sleeping. (messy house? Fatigue? No wonder!)
  • Despite the fact that most young people have an average of 243 Facebook friends, it’s not translated into real-life friendships. (Adults too?) Researchers theorize we are spending so much time online, that we no longer have time to go out with our non Facebook friends.
  • More than half of us admit that we find it more difficult to make friends in “real life” than online.
  • “Skin hunger” is a real condition that is impacting more and more of us…  Eighteen-year olds are as lonely as eighty-year olds, and they want a friendship service because they can no longer make friends the traditional ways.
  • Why do we keep clicking?  One possible answer: Dopamine, which regulates our reward and pleasure centers.  We get a “hit” when we get a technological ping. What is the result? For a brief moment we feel known. Research proves when we get low levels of dopamine (hits), we are prone to addiction. (Davis, Connecting, 47-49)IMG_2311
  • 91% of adults use a cell phone – the cell phone is the most quickly adopted consumer technology in the history of the world – and youth ages 12-17 put their cell phone adoption at 78%, and 37% of all teens have a smartphone
  • A recent study of Facebook users found that the amount of time you spend on the social network is inversely related to how happy you feel throughout the day. (slate.com)
  • 67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. (Pew Review)
  • The increased mortality risk of loneliness is comparable to that of smoking and about twice as dangerous as obesity.
  • Social isolation impairs immune function and boosts inflammation, which can lead to arthritis, type II diabetes, and heart disease.

Admittedly, I’m a little anxious, but … HERE GOES.