Category Archives: Busyness

How’s your vision?

June 12, 2014Busyness, heart of prayer, personal growth, Purpose, sandwich generationlouise

I have several pairs of reading glasses — one for my purse, one at the office, one at the beach, one in my car, one by my bed… you get the picture. I can no longer see to read without them. 🙁 It happened so suddenly. At age 45 — I felt sort of smug about my vision. Then literally, all in a day, I couldn’t see up close!

Sometimes I get along ok without readers… I type with the font set on 16 (and try to remember to reset the font size before sending my letters — otherwise they look like the first chapter books I ever read). I bought a large print Bible. In the ambient light of restaurants I can usually make out enough to at least choose my entree, and a little adventure and surprise in life is good, right?

But there are many times that no matter how much I squint, stretch and retract my arm to varying lengths, concentrate — no matter how hard I try all within my power, I just cannot see what is right in front of me without my readers. It’s frustrating! I put them on and magically the smudges becomes legible!

Two packages from Amazon arrived last night. Two books I want to read and a new pocket camera for my upcoming trip… woo hoo! I got in bed last night excited to check out my purchases, and found no readers. I’m not sure where the bedroom pair went, but they were not within reach as they should have been. I had already gone downstairs once to get my phone charger out of my car (I had to take it to work because I forgot to charge my phone the night before…), and I just didn’t want to exert the effort to find the glasses. Surely, I could do manage on my own.

I nestled in and began looking at the new camera. I carefully unloaded each piece of equipment. I could read the large print on all the boxes — but all I really accomplished was unloading and reloading the box. I couldn’t see any instructions, and didn’t want to miss a step or lose a part. It was futile effort.

I decided to read. One of the books I got was written in the 1800s by Andrew Murray. The other is a more modern book, The Pharisee Within Me. The print in this one seemed large enough to read without my glasses! (The middle-aged author must have clued in his publisher to the needs of his target audience.) I began to read with moderate squinting and adjusting of position and light.

Oddly the preface was by Andrew Murray! What a coincidence… a God-thing! The theologians from earlier centuries are some of my favorites. They are very instructive and inspiring, but a little tougher reads with all the thous and whatsoevers, etc.. I made it through the preface to the first chapter. The author was very formal and archaic for 2009. I looked for the copyright page to see exactly what year it was published — and looked at the back cover to read a little more about the author. The book was very different than I had anticipated.

Have you guessed yet? I was reading the “wrong” book. I was reading With Christ in the School of Prayer, by Andrew Murray, all the while thinking I was reading a book described this way: “easy-to-read, practical teaching style, the author examines the passages where Jesus confronted the Pharisees and makes thought-provoking observations regarding our Christian faith and churches today.” Both books are good and worthy, but not nearly as effective if you are searching for something entirely different from the contents you hold.

Struggling to put a square peg in a round hole, and trying to make what I was reading fit what I believed was true about the author… I even saw a wonderful cool “coincidence.” I didn’t recognize my folly for a good 15 minutes. I stubbornly forged ahead, just knowing I could do this without my glasses. The distraction of not being able to see well, kept me from noting I was in the wrong text! I went to bed.

This morning as I tried squinting to read the camera directions, I quickly grabbed my purse readers — handy just a few feet away on the same counter. Suddenly the previously Asian looking print became clear, and I was on my way!

Because I didn’t charge the battery last night, I am delayed in moving forward with the camera set up. I sat down to write. Aren’t the reading glasses so many of us find essential at midlife very much like our Bibles?

Proverbs 12:15 puts it this way, “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.” God guides us in three major ways: through the Holy Spirit, Godly counsel of friends and leaders, and The Bible. The first two should always be tested by scripture, because “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)

Why do we try to live life in our own knowledge and power — as we see fit? So often, we do what feels right, looks good, and what we want to do — rather than slowing down and giving God our first fruits of time — in prayer and reading His Word (living and personal to us) for the day. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” We need the Bible to see clearly what God’s will is for us — each day.

God had been plastering this verse in my life — even on 3 different church marquees over the last few months (in case I didn’t have my readers)… “Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is– his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2, NIV).

I keep my readers scattered about so they are in easy reach, because without them, what’s close to me is blurry. I’m not there yet, but a lot of people even hang reading glasses around their necks. I learned last night, that I need to get up and get them when they are misplaced! My efforts were folly without them.

We keep our cell phones, ipads and laptops at our fingertips. I check facebook, linkedIn and Pinterest regularly — often multiple times a day. We are in danger of losing real relationship because of our electronic obsessions! We can do a quick self-test any day, by asking what we have “opened” today… 48% of users 18-35 check facebook as soon as they wake up.

However, in a 2012 survey regarding Bible engagement, “LifeWay Research surveyed more than 2,900 Protestant churchgoers and found that while 90 percent ‘desire to please and honor Jesus in all I do,’ only 19 percent personally read the Bible every day. ”

Why don’t we read our Bibles? Do we really believe Jesus and His Word? Do we think we are saved through faith by grace, but live all on our own? Is our faith a life altering commitment? I have a favorite Bible, but I also have numerous Bibles scattered in many of the same places I keep my readers… but I don’t pick it up as often as I want to. My belief does not match what I know about God’s word and the world’s ways. (That’s why I’m reading to discover the Pharisee that lives in ME.)

I get busy with all that seems so urgent in life. I forget to pray and neglect God’s Word to me. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” John 10:10 says, “The thief comes to kill and steal and destroy. I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” I want the abundant life God Promises.

Through my poor vision (which began just a month or two after the ophthalmologist told me it would probably never happen)… God gave me another reminder to keep Him near, pray, pick up my Bible and make Him my first priority — any other life, any other way is as futile as trying to read the tiny instructions for my camera without my reading glasses.

What to BELIEVE when I’m blue

June 10, 2014Busyness, heart of prayer, personal growthlouise

Sometimes I feel a little blue — ok, more of a dark purple. Oftentimes, I can’t attribute my first depressed feelings to anything in particular. I usually just tell myself, “I’m in a funk.” I try to ignore the down feeling, the apathy, lethargy and mild defeat, but with it all comes the incessant voices (self talk, not the crazies) in my head — reminiscent of Job’s friends.

I accuse myself, and I feel guilty. Condemnation. Like something is wrong with me, and the rest of the world would be disappointed, disgusted if they knew. “Why do you feel this way? You have no right! You have a great husband, loving family, your health… you’re about to go on a Mediterranean vacation, for heaven’s sake! Why do you feel anything close to depression? What is wrong with you?”

I am confused, because I agree in theory with the voices, but I can’t just shake off the dark cloud. Fake it til you make it just isn’t working, and I start having negative thoughts: about myself, my loved ones, the condition of the world, our nation and even the church… It all seems so overwhelming and hopeless. I find myself holding back critical thoughts and harsh words. I tend to withdraw from others and escape in things that ultimately make me feel worse.

I keep my struggle hidden, as if it’s a private, dirty little secret. To tell anyone I feel depressed would be to say I am weak and have little faith. (But 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”) Christians don’t get depressed, right? This belief is commonly held in many church circles, but it rings of a lie — I know many good faithful followers who have struggled at times with depressive seasons. Charles Spurgeon, C.S. Lewis and Martin Luther just to name a few.

**I quickly want to insert a disclaimer. I am obviously not a doctor or a counselor. Severe depression can come from psychological, spiritual, physiological and/ or physical causes. I haven’t experienced severe, chronic depression, and my heart breaks for those who have. I am speaking only to my current and seasonal dark days.

Fighting seasonal blues is not the problem… giving into it can be. Psalm 42:5-6 implies I can expect some cloudy days. “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? I choose to put my hope in You, God, for I will praise You, my Savior, and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember You!” This psalm also suggests where I should turn for Light!

Maybe you can relate… sometimes we feel down, depressed, agitated, frustrated, for no apparent reason. Not so pretty or pleasant, but real emotions.

I was agitated last night and didn’t really know just why. I struggled with prayer in my journal. God said to be still, and wait for Him. I’m usually a sound sleeper. This morning I awoke at 4:15 am. Finally at 4:45, I acknowledged Him — got up and began praying and writing again. Nothing profound — mostly pouring out my heart and prayers against my feelings of oppression (what I’m calling darkness). Then this morning — despite a busy calendar — I sat to write this post.

All the words above in bold clue me in that there is someone behind it all, leaving his calling card and finger prints all over my life — Satan. I read something by Beth Moore this morning, that made me start thinking about what it means to believe. She said, “Just in case anyone is clinging to a few doubts, let me assure you, the devil is real. You may be tempted to say, ‘Oh, I’ve always known that.’ … We live our lives not simply according to what we know, but what we really believe. Genuine belief is life altering conviction.” (bold emphasis mine)

Two times the power of believing must be life altering come to mind —

When we believe Jesus for our salvation
When we accept the devil is real and we believe we must fight him. But it’s easier, because we are assured that Jesus has already claimed the victory! John 10:10 says, “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

This word believe is powerful. It’s active, not passive. John 3:16 says all we must do to gain eternal salvation is to “believe in Him.” It doesn’t say whosoever agrees with the events of the birth, life and death of Jesus shall not perish… Satan knows it’s all true history! That’s not enough. We need to believe — in a life altering way — that we are sinners deserving of hell. We have to make it personal — Jesus thought of me (personally and individually), when He paid the price for my sins on the cross.

When we truly see ourselves as we are — sinners with no hope of being good enough — and we accept by faith (that Jesus gives us) His undeserved gift of taking all our punishment on the cross, so that through Jesus, God sees us as pure… and not only gives us the assurance of eternity in heaven, but a NEW and abundant life while we are here on earth. The Holy Spirit comes to live in us! To guide us and walk with us. When we truly believe as the New Testament lays out, how can it not be life altering?

2 Corinthians 5: 17 says, “”Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. ” (2 Corinthians 5: 17) We are given a NEW LIFE. When we truly believe, we are saved, and the Holy Spirit changes us. It’s not always an immediate transformation, in fact, it’s usually gradual (I remember almost wishing I had a dramatic addiction, so I would know it worked…) I prayed “the prayer” many unnecessary times after the first time, just to be sure.

I grew up going to church whenever the doors were open! I memorized John 3:16 and was confirmed in the church in 6th grade. But, I was not a believer or follower. When I was 14, I attended a youth rally at a Baptist Church. For the first time I understood I wasn’t good enough for God or HIs heaven — no matter how hard I tried. I, Louise, personally needed Jesus. I understood my depravity and accepted His work on the cross in a personal way. I believe I was saved in that moment.

I went home and said nothing. I didn’t feel all that differently, but I was drawn to the Bible and my prayer journals. The Holy Spirit was and is at work in this very imperfect woman. He’s been teaching me about His Lordship and my responsive surrender ever since! I haven’t been a quick study — rather a self reliant, stubborn child. He is patient and loving.

Recently, I had one of the greatest and most humbling experiences of my life. God used me to lead a precious friend to salvation. It was abundantly clear I was simply a pawn in His hands, and He was working in her heart. She had been to church her whole life, and prayed more fervently and more often than most — but she had not accepted Jesus as her personal Savior. What a joy and privilege to be present when Jesus saved her!

I am sad to say, I haven’t had this close-up experience before, but it gave me courage to speak about Jesus and all he’s done in my life more frequently and more boldly. I could get addicted to the high that followed that day!

In struts Satan. I know the basics, sort of, but do I really believe I must put on the armor of God everyday. That I am a warrior in a battle? It’s ironic that I struggle to believe that I must be alert to the devil’s schemes, because despite my pollyanna tendencies, I am deeply scarred and battle-weary!

And He knew that I ‘m a linguist — and would see significance in a name. Whether I like it or not, I’m a warrior. I have an enemy. And of course he would attack me in any ways he can after God gave me the miraculous gift of being present when he saved my friend. Of course.

I was named after my Daddy’s favorite aunt, Louise Slater. But God had more in store for me through my name. He knew I would have tendencies towards wanting to make life all happy and comfortable. That I would want to ignore the ugly and trust the guilty. That as a little girl I would learn to use my imagination to create the world as I thought it should be — a beautiful glass castle where I was a princess and everyone and everything was good.

As I have tried to finish this post, Bandit escaped for the 7th or 8th time this week… a dog who has been successfully contained for almost 14 years by an electric fence. The infamous bricklayer was supposed to be finished with the wall last week — he is not. I’m reminded of two things I forgot at the office, and I need to go shopping because overpacking is not going to be a problem if I don’t… nothing fits comfortably! I was almost too distracted — too crazy busy — for God, for prayer, for sharing my faith and the wonderful things God is doing all around me.

Satan may be the ruler of this earth — and wreak some havoc in his role. But he is defeated! While we must be alert and fight, we know Who is the victor! We need to focus on God and be aware of the devils schemes (especially when the darkness comes)… but not obsess about Satan.

** It’s now later the same day, and I had to add… my blue mood lifted right after prayer and writing this post… it’s been a great day! 🙂 God is good!

John 12:31 “”Now judgment is upon this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out.”

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Galatians 1:4 “who gave Himself for our sins so that He might rescue us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father”

1 John 3:8 “the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.”

Hebrews 2:14-15 “Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.”

Colossians 1:13 “For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son”

Titus 2:14 “who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.”

Romans 16:20 “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. “

Heaven is for Real – God’s Not Dead

May 8, 2014Busyness, Freedom, gratitude, heart of prayer, personal growth, Purposelouise

My last post was “discombobulated.” It was tough to publish, but it felt like there was something important in it all. The contrast between the brick mason’s story and my reality was edited and rewritten. Deleted and reworked. I think it’s because, I’m struggling between what I want to say, and what God is accomplishing in my heart. As I look at ways the brick mason and other events are opening my heart, my prayer is more of Him and less of me.

In my short visit with the brick mason , I learned he was having a devastating day, in the midst of chronically difficult life circumstances. Obviously, he believed heaven was real and all around us, and God was good to his family — even in death, illness, poverty and pain. He openly shared his experience and his faith with us as comfortably as he discussed concrete.

I’m not minimizing or glamorizing his situation. Either would be the wrong focus. At times I’ve even wondered if he was “for real.” I decided to let go of my cynicism and my need to know all the facts, and to ask God what He has to say to me about it all. I know when really terrible things happen in my life, my heart trumps my head, and I sort of feel entitled to something better — like there’s been some mistake.

Knowing the stories and promises of God, why is my faith not more like the brick mason’s? Why am I not thankful and actively believing that God is with me (Matthew 28:20) and acting on my behalf for good in every detail of my life (Romans 8:28)? Joseph had one “bad” thing happen after another but said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20) The same is true today.

Taking the whole experience of the brick mason at face value, I am deeply moved by how the brickmason’s reality of God’s goodness and provision in his every day life, totally overwhelmed the current situation. He knew his daughter was dead and his family had an increasingly more difficult road ahead. Still he said, “I don’t know why God is so good to me.” Who he knew God to be, and what He knew Jesus had done for him was more real and important to the brick mason than anything that was happening. That’s abundance I want to emulate.

Someone asked me what I thought of the movie, “Heaven is for Real.” I’m no Bible scholar, and I understand the concerns around how God could allow 4 year old Colton to sit on Jesus’ lap during his surgery, when the Bible says Moses couldn’t look at God and live. I know Hollywood could have sensationalized a good story once they had the rights to it, and the Burpo family had much to gain in publishing it. I’ll let others debate all that.

To me, it seems totally credible that a loving God gave a scared, sick little boy a glimpse of heaven while he was still on earth — and that God wanted the story to be spread to others. Hasn’t He ever done something similar for you — where you were overwhelmed with His majesty? Or His protection? If the movie helps people to see that heaven is real; that our lives and prayers need to be more focused on heaven than anything on this earth (Philipians 3:19-20) — because God is in heaven and we will one day live there with Him — then it is a GREAT movie that points us toward God and a richer, more abundant life!

We saw another movie, “God’s NOT Dead.” In it Josh, a freshman philosophy student, takes a stand and risks ridicule, relationships, failure and his future (that pretty well covers the things of this world), because he will not assert, “God is dead” as his teacher desires. He feels God wants him to do something for Him, so he listens and obeys. He agrees with God’s will. He takes some losses in the process, but the movie has a happy ending. Even if it didn’t, I think Josh would be glad he chose to trust God and His goodness. I think he would say all is well when I do God’s will, and Life is Abundant beyond all the other stuff!

I’ve been sharing how our little group has been learning to pray more effectively. In preparing for our study, God led me to the Lord’s Prayer. (Matthew 6:9-13) We sing it; we pray it. It comforts us, but what are we really saying?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — The Pitons, St Lucia

First, Jesus told his disciples to say, “Our Father who is in Heaven. It seems heaven was important as a focus beyond the earth they could see and touch. Heaven is our eternal home where God dwells. All of us feel the daily pull of sin, the world and the devil on earth. We are tempted to make WAY more plans for this short life than we do for eternal life. When that is our focus, we miss His abundance.

Heaven is for real. God is there — and He is here with us. We get glimpses of heaven in the almost but not yet experience of this life on earth, because He walks and talks with us every day. Heaven is more real and more lasting than the chair that holds you up right now. It seems we need to pray fully embracing the fact that heaven is our real home, if we want abundant life.

Secondly we earnestly pray, “your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” right until the moment when God’s will interrupts our own… What are we really saying in these familiar words? I’ll paraphrase Michael Youssef, “King Jesus, I want your priorities to be the preoccupation of my entire heart and mind — my life. Take over everything!” Sounds almost like the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:37).

When we pray, so often we focus predominantly on our own plans, needs and passions. See my long list of thoughts at the beginning of this post. They have led to a lot of stress and confusion for me lately. I guess you could say I’ve been discombobulated! God cares about our lives and wants us to talk to Him about all the details (1 Peter 5:7). The point is that word preoccupation — our focus and priority.

My mind has been dangerously consumed with my very real human needs, to the detriment of my preoccupation with God. If our perceived needs become the increasing focus of our lives (in good times or bad), soon we won’t pray at all. Not as God intends. Instead of “your will be done,” our “prayers” become God give me what I need and want. I know what’s best. My will be done.

My final take aways from this process of looking at how I’m living my life and contrasting it with the brick mason’s story that depict a taste of abundant life and understanding God’s will are these:

Prayer is not only something you do, it’s who you are and the way to live Life. And when in doubt, like they taught us in Sunday School — the answer is Jesus. Focus on Him. He must be my reality. My preoccupation. My number one priority. That IS the Abundant Life He offers. Mattew 6:33 is often in my mind. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well.” And John 15:4 “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

My action point is to make the HUGE reality of all I know about God the Father, what Jesus did on the cross, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit my primary focus — a hyper focus. Then be GRATEFUL and trust He is acting on my behalf. All my scattered preoccupation and activity will calm, and I will surely know his abundance and a new way of Life. He is transforming me bit by bit.

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