Category Archives: gratitude

Is Prayer more powerful than a casserole?

May 2, 2014gratitude, heart of prayer, personal growthlouise

I’m cutting straight to the chase on this one. How’s your prayer life? Are your prayers effective?

In writing this particular post, I have in my heart those of us who have accepted Jesus as our personal Savior. Do our lives look different from unbelievers, because we are followers of Christ? Are we believing in prayer?

If you have read any of my earlier blogs, you know I don’t claim to be a prayer warrior. I made it clear in my last three posts at least that I frequently struggle in my prayer life. I think many of us do. Maybe it’s part of living in the flesh in a fallen world where Satan reigns.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — Monastery in France

I found this statement in Michael Youssef, Ph.D.’s daily devotional, “Perhaps there is no time when the enemy is more active in our lives than during our prayer time. In 1 Peter 5:8, Peter wrote, ‘Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.'” WOW! That got my attention. I think I’ve usually felt “safe” in my prayer times and in church.

Reading the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis gives affirmation to Youssef’s statement, and helps me understand why prayer — a simple and wonderful invitation from God to be in relationship with Him — is so hard for me at times. A million things seem to get in the way of my time with God. They feel essential to “real” life. Sometimes my prayer life doesn’t feel as important or real as my daily circumstances. I know that feelings can lie, and the opposite is the Truth!

Hanging bridges ove Costa Rican rain forest

In reality, prayers are the most important and real part of life. GOD is the number one priority of my life. Only when I keep God and my relationship with Him as primary, can all the wonderful second things in this world have a chance of success and significance. When I put second things ahead of God — all is lost. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I desperately want to grow in my relationship with Christ — and that means primarily, I need to grow in my prayer life. I’m meeting weekly with a small group of women because we all want our prayer life to be more consistent, intimate, sincere and fruitful. We want to glorify God with our lives, and we know that our prayer life is the secret to our power and strength in this world.

In my Easter post I wrote this, “What I offer today is simply what He is saying to me in the midst of my messy life. And that He longs to be preeminent and intimate in all our lives. An honest admission of my struggles but also my faith that He is in control of my life and my faith. Lately — I’ve been most aware of my struggles. My prayer life needs a transfusion. A refocus on Him. In the coming months, as He grows my prayer life, I’ll share with you all I trust the great Healer will do along the way.”

Today I’ll share some of what God is teaching me about prayer and how it is changing me. All the posts from our little group’s prayer focus will be sorted under the category “heart of prayer.” I would love for you to join us and write to me about your experiences!

Our format is simple. We are committed to a daily quiet time of prayer (minus as many distractions as possible). In our time with Jesus we are reading the Bible daily. We are praying. We are listening. Then we come together to discuss what God is saying and doing in our lives through our time spent with Him. I am pulling from many resources, because I don’t think there is one formula for prayer. It’s personal. But the Bible and many scholars have a lot to say about it. You’ll find some of them listed under resources and even quotes: artful living. We are reading The Papa Prayer by Larry Crabb as well as many resources such as Michael Youssef, Richard Foster, and John Piper. Most importantly we are letting God lead us.

Three main things jump off the page from our discussion yesterday. Perhaps you will relate.

1. Sometimes it’s hard for Christians to pray because we feel unworthy of God’s attention. If only we were doing more good deeds, reading the Bible more — then we might be more ready and willing to approach the throne in prayer. As it is, we’re a little embarrassed.

How do we pray an effective prayer? James 5:16 says “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” So, what are the characteristics of a person in right standing with God? Is it our performance or “religiousity?” No. As saved believers, we can neither add nor subtract from our righteousness through our behavior. It’s similar to the well-known idea that we can’t do anything to make God love us more or less. Our righteousness is derived solely from the Cross and Jesus.

It’s not up to us or about us! Praise God! A righteous person has a personal relationship with Jesus as her personal Savior. She seeks to obey God and yield to the direction of the indwelling Holy Spirit, and wants to do what is right according to the Word of God. That’s it. God accepts us as we are to be saved, and continues to invite us as we are to be in relationship with Him. We respond with Joy out of Gratitude. He changes us. He always wants us to come to Him — and as James said, when we do, we can rest assured that because of HIM, our prayers will be powerful and effective. Do we really believe that?

2. Sometimes I remember to ask God’s help for something, but walk away from my time with Him not really believing He heard, and He WILL answer. Oftentimes, I still carry my angst and the weight of the particular circumstance for which I prayed. Yesterday I had an Aha moment. I need to not only ask Him to align my will with His and give me wisdom. But God is teaching me to also TRUST Him to give me the answer I need, in His time (waiting is deserving of it’s own post). Then to trust that He will, at the appointed time, give me the words or actions I will need to obey in response to His will. Since I am truly believing Him, I can leave my burdens with Him — instead of walking away from my prayer time still thinking it’s all up to me.

A fictitious example to serve as an illustration follows: My normal way of intercessory prayer was to just lift my concerns to God who knows the details — God please give me wisdom regarding Ann’s cancer. I want to help her, but I’m not sure what to do. She’s not a close friend, but I feel you have placed her on my heart. Bless her, Lord. Give her peace and draw her to You. Thank you. In the name of Jesus, Amen. I leave my prayer, still carrying Ann in my heart (in a troubled way) and feeling indecisive, but hoping God will let me know what I should do, before I mess up or miss the mark regarding Ann. The prayer wasn’t very relational, and my heart is not touched.

Following is the same example including what God is teaching me as a better way to pray: God, I believe you have placed Ann on my heart. I don’t know what to do. I would love to go visit, take a meal… but it feels to me like I am the wrong one to help her in an intimate way. I know she has good friends spending time with her. Maybe driving her to an appointment, cooking a casserole or visiting with her is not the right thing for me to do for Ann, even though it would make ME feel better. She may be dying, and I’m not that close to her. Lord, if I am wrong, I know you will let me know. Thank you for your guidance; I am listening for your voice. I thank you for the promise that you give your wisdom to those who ask. I believe you and trust your timing. I trust that if you call me to do more, you will equip me. (The difference is I am asking, while believing in faith that He will respond.)

As I am praying Lord, what hits me is this: Pray for Ann. I believe that is what you want me to do. I could defend myself and say I have prayed — but I think you are asking for more than a cursory lifting of Ann to your attention.

3. (Continuing forward brings me to #3) Lord you want me to pray as if I believe intercessory prayer is real. As if it matters. Prayer is mysterious, and I admit Lord, that I don’t understand what part my prayers to you for Ann actually play. But you ask us to pray for others. If I took a meal to Ann, and visited her — I would spend 2-3 hours giving. I have prayed for Ann numerous times, but never for over a few minutes (and that’s a generous estimate). Am I willing to give 2-3 hours in prayer for Ann? Do I really believe prayer matters MORE THAN a casserole? That somehow in your Sovereignty — You really covet and use my prayers? I trust that you are speaking through the Holy Spirit, and you will continue to answer my prayers, Jesus. Through the Holy Spirit, I will know your will and make it mine. You will provide all I need to do your will in your time. Thank you Jesus for letting me spend time with You and talk with You. You are my all in ALL. In your precious name, Amen.

The point I felt led to is not a prescriptive prayer time for Ann of 2-3 hours. What I did feel God asking was do you really believe in the effectiveness and power of prayer? Is prayer more powerful than a casserole? A visit? An errand (all good things, by the way)? Do you really believe I am listening, answering, guiding when you pray? God knows my honest answer has not historically been a resounding, “YES LORD!” I struggle. But I feel a renewed commitment to intercessory prayer (and God will even give me the faith I need). To believing in prayer.

Thank you, Jesus, for all you are doing in me and our little group!

Midlife – the sandwich generation

April 18, 2014Busyness, gratitude, heart of prayer, personal growth, sandwich generation, Uncategorizedlouise

The term “Sandwich Generation” was officially added to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary back in 2006. The Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting (financially and/ or emotionally) their own children. It’s me and possibly you?

There are many ways to build the sandwich…

Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and possibly grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.
Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care.

And the definition doesn’t mentioned the fact that for women, aging parents and young adult children all hit just about the same time as menopause. Talk about a fried, HOT mess!

As “children” in our midlife season, it’s a joy and privilege for us to help our aging parents in any way we can. God thought it so important that honor your parents was the first commandment with a promise attached to it. “Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” It’s not hard to understand why, especially after you have children of your own. I know I am forever indebted to my wonderful mom and dad for all their sacrifices, love, and gifts for me. I would do anything in my power to make this stage of their lives better and more joyful for them. The problem is the “answers” to the big issues of the golden years aren’t always entirely obvious — and often the days don’t end up feeling so golden to our parents. We feel powerless to give back to the ones we owe the most, and this hurts us.

And then there’s our children — at any age, they are our very hearts, beating outside our bodies. There is nothing within our power we wouldn’t do for their good. We never thought it possible to love them more than when their chubby faces peeked out of smocked dresses and cute little overalls. But we do. We love who they have become and all the potential we see for them. We pray for them as they launch independent lives. But it’s a tough world out there, and like us, they have to learn a lot in the school of hard knocks. It’s so hard to watch your child struggle — at any age. We feel powerless to protect them anymore, and it hurts us.

Currently all 5 of our children are in a great place; I am so thankful. But I have also been around long enough to know how life works. We’re almost always heading out of a tough time or enjoying the good times before our next challenge. John 16:33 says it well, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

It all adds up to this: being at the center of this complicated and tremendous sandwich is often one of the most difficult stages of our own lives. Our good hearts and willing hands can be rendered helpless against the perils of the “aging process,” whether we’re talking about men and women developing independence through the teens and 20s or the aging process of the 70s, 80s, 90s and sometimes beyond.

Do you ever feel like the middle slice of meat — definitely fried to a crisp — expected to hold together a whole tremendous Dagwood Sandwich? I know I do.

Sometimes from the center of my family sandwich, I feel incredibly overwhelmed and consumed. It seems I can’t really name the really “big” stressors in my life, but I am drowning in them collectively. My mind is cluttered. I have little time to take care of myself. I’m scattered, trying to manage my thoughts, feelings, and plans for myself and my family. I just can’t seem to do all that I feel I should accomplish for others or in my own life.

We eat out more, because I’m not managing the house or meals all that well. Exercise gets squeezed out, and the added pounds from both add stress. I miss events in my friend’s lives, and cringe when I hear myself apologize saying, “It’s been such a busy week.” Rob and I plan short little getaways to escape and hang on tight to our marriage as a priority.

Time passes and I realize with our travel and busy schedules, I’ve been to church once this month and woefully neglected my quiet times. I’m sporadic in both reading the Bible and prayer — both of which I know can be the very joy and fabric of my soul. My mind — filled with my own life plus the duties of being the all-important center in the family sandwich — is rarely still or quiet enough to listen for the Shepherd’s voice. I am conforming to the world and believing only in the circumstances around me, and what I must do to help those I love.

Webster’s definition of an idol is “the excessive devotion to, or reverence for some person or thing.” In today’s language an idol is anything that replaces the one, true God. Looks like my well-meaning daughter and mother roles have developed into an idolatry problem. Another commandment in Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Anything that consistently takes me away from my relationship with God is idolatry. I will be able to keep BOTH commandments I’ve mentioned, when I’m putting first things (God) first. Matthew 6:33 says “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

I take a deep breath… exhale. I must guard and protect my intimate times with God above all else. Period. This is the best thing I can do for myself, my parents, my children, my marriage, my work, my life. Trust God and His plan. He has never failed me or led me astray. I have never been sorry I did things His way, even when the world didn’t understand.

One more thing comes to mind — what am I seeking in all my concern and efforts for my parents and children? What caused me to drift away from God? In a nutshell, don’t we want control of our lives? I used to be able to tend the little red wagon holding all my children without major disturbances. My parents were thriving and still available to advise me. I was “in control,” and had resources — but what about now? Everything seems out of MY control — even that which is going well! (Is this realization possibly called wisdom?)

There’s nothing wrong with doing all I can to give comfort and help to my family — and others for that matter. This falls under the Greatest commandment. We help in many practical ways, both our parents and adult children. Decisions must be made and actions taken — and at times, we are the ones called upon to make them. But motivations are always worth checking. Do I feel it is all up to me? Am I trusting that God loves all my family more than I ever dreamed of? Am I remembering that this life on earth is just a blip on God’s eternal timeline? Is God remaining #1?

And what about the anguish and guilt I feel around the way things are and all I can’t do? What of my need to influence my children’s choices or judge my parent’s decisions in the turmoil of these senior years? What about when I risk relationships with my siblings, because I am well-intentioned and believe my way is best for my parents? What about when I preach instead of simply listening, loving and accepting. Can I really trust God’s plan for life and death? Can I live my life His way, and be thankful in all things? Even in this messy sandwich stage?

Well, I would design old age differently, if I were god. I wouldn’t allow illness, dementia, deterioration or degeneration (wrinkles and gray hair might be okay, but I would have everyone view them as badges of honor). I would want old age to be, well, golden. I would gladly give up some of my comfort for my parents to live out their lives on a wonderful, high note.

I wouldn’t let anyone treat my children unfairly or without kindness — at any age. I would want everyone to know and love them as I do. I want them to inherit, without pain, all that I have learned through the experiences of my life, so that they would never suffer. Wouldn’t my way make for a happier, if possibly more vanilla life? It feels like it at times — but it sounds ridiculous even to me when my way is spelled out.

It is Good Friday. “And on the night He was betrayed, He broke bread and lifted it up, and gave thanks.” (1 Corinthians 11: 23-24) If Jesus can give thanks in that, knowing His crucifixion followed, can I not trust Him and give thanks in all that’s on my overflowing, sandwich-adorned plate? Or will I believe it’s all up to me, and squeeze him out — just for this season.

It all circles back to God… Ruthless trust in the One who loves me and all my family most. And putting Him first: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

Priorities. Trust. Love. God’s got my whole Dagwood sandwich in His hands. I’m glad He’s in control, and I’m just a piece of beloved, fried pastrami in the middle.

Note: This may sound like nothing concrete and easier said than done… but, considering yesterday’s post when I was feeling pretty low in my prayer life — Abba is faithful and will show the way through prayer. Please read it, if you have a chance. 😉

Dating at Halftime

March 14, 2014divorce, gratitude, joy, loneliness, personal growth, waitinglouise

It was late 2006. I had happily checked dating off my list in the 80s! I had never really thought about or planned on dating anyone at midlife… I didn’t want to be alone either. I was living on a bridge between two worlds, while being a part of neither. I was paralyzed, unable to move from defining myself as divorced to just me alone.

Then a friend invited me to a charity dinner, and offered me two tickets. Not one, to be a third wheel accompanying her and her husband, but two! She thought it was time for me to consider dating. The invitation was conditional and not too subtle — I had to invite someone to join me, to fill out her table.

My divorce had only been final for 4-5 months, but it took almost three years in process to get there. I hoped I would one day remarry, but I never really looked forward to dating. My limbo life was a weird “halftime” between relationships, with no guarantee of a second half. Turns out my adventures in dating would be part of the entertainment before the next half!

The prospect was scary, exciting, foreign, and hopeful — all at the same time. Dating had the potential of being beautiful — to consider the possibility of falling in love with the right man — but it was also dangerous in that there was the potential for the sting of hurt and rejection.

Romance and relationship were FAR from my mind; I was more panicked. I wanted to go to the event, to tackle this “first date” hurdle, but I had no idea how to find a date, just a companion for the night. Soon word got out, and through a friend of a friend type of deal, I was introduced to someone else with two tickets and no date to the same event. We trashed two tickets and agreed to go together. Problem one solved.

OH MY GOSH! I hadn’t been on a date in over 20 years! What would I wear? How would this work? Would he pick me up at my house? The logistics weren’t really the problem… this date wasn’t about my escort or the event. It was totally about how I saw myself. I had been living in a married world and seeing myself as a divorced woman, a misfit. An outsider in a familiar land. I had to shift, to leave behind my “scarlet D,” and rediscover who I was as a single woman.

The dress was more significant than for prom! It was a black tie event, but the importance lay more in the transitioning — how I chose to present myself. I found a dress with spaghetti straps that I liked. Not wanting extra wardrobe malfunction stress, I had them sew in the proper undergarments. I picked up the dress just in time. The children were out for the night, and I began to get ready. All was going well, until the dress… You would think that it wouldn’t be necessary to try it on after such a simple addition. Bad call. He was to pick me up in 15 minutes and the seamstress had missed her mark, twice. I looked like an alien with four breasts! Would I fall off the bridge?

I ran barefoot next door, where my neighbor was with friends, to see if it looked as bad as I thought. They confirmed that It did, and I’m sure had a great belly laugh! Thankfully, my date was late, because of a child’s band practice, and I was able to solve the problem before he arrived! The night went off without a “hitch” in any sense of the word! The first date was the most difficult, and it was behind me.

There’s no perfect way to date after divorce. I’m just sharing my experience in hopes that it might benefit someone else. At a minimum, it might give you a few laughs! I put myself out there, vulnerable, and it was worth it!

hummingbirds — happy miracle in a little package

In dating, I learned to text (2006) and to shoot a gun (just skeet). 😉 I tried many new things like four wheeling, being the only ones on the dance floor, hunting, horseback riding, skyping and biking for miles. I wore high heels more often and learned to eat sushi. I had fun and laughed. I was set up by friends, family and even online. I got to know some nice men and learned a lot about myself.

I needed that season. God blessed and protected me with mostly good times with kind gentlemen. I’m sensitive to the fact that some women have bad experiences in dating. I was careful and clear about my own boundaries and motivation (getting to know myself and others). Other than that, I don’t know why I was so blessed, but I really feel God protected me and I am thankful. There was definitely some hurt involved, but there usually is with growth. I believe God did guard my heart from unnecessary pain and from falling in love too soon.

After a short while, this whirlwind of fun was beginning to feel empty. I appreciated all the new friendships, and I had needed to date, to have fun and to be desired. But it lost its allure fairly quickly. Then I actually met someone different from men I knew, and he possessed many qualities I wanted in a man. I was thinking more about a relationship now. We dated a short while. We both knew it wasn’t forever, and we needed to move on to whatever was ahead. I can’t really say why we parted ways, but I know God was involved.

All the pain and rejection of divorce flooded me again — compounded by every rejection, lost hope, and dream of the last couple of years, as well as twenty years of marriage. I went on a few more dates, but I was pretty sure I wouldn’t just date anyone again. The bar was set high by my one, short “relationship,” and I wouldn’t spend time with men I knew I wouldn’t marry.

I was the one-date wonder! I would go out with great men, and feel nothing. I think it was usually mutual. Three men in a row, including the special one I dated for a while, met their future wife — immediately after we went out! They all joyfully told me about their new relationships. While I was excited for them, I couldn’t help but wonder, why not me? I’d see strangers holding hands, and I hurt. It felt like I would always be alone. I felt as if God was playing a cruel joke on me! In reality, I needed to fully heal, and this was all part of it.

It was a tough time. It was also necessary, and God was with me in the most wonderful ways. I learned He really was enough. I hoped to one day meet the man I dreamed of, but I knew that if I didn’t, I was ok. God, Immanuel, was with me. My faith, trust and my relationship with Him deepened. I was lonely in the world, but I was content in my deepest soul. And I came to accept that I really was loved by Him — personally.

My life was pretty good, and I was building it alone. In the strangest of circumstances, Rob and I were introduced. Before we ever met, I was drawn to his kind eyes and smile. We went out on a Friday, then again on Saturday. By that second date, I felt at home with Rob. There’s no other way to describe it. We mutually fell in love faster than we were willing to admit out loud. Rob was my real life personification of Ephesians 3:20. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Rob was far better for me than I could have asked for or imagined.

Ephesians 3:20 comes AFTER Ephesians 3:11-19, and that was true in my life too. “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

These verses were read aloud by my daughter at our wedding! Jesus is first in both our lives. I am frequently overwhelmed with thanks to God for leading me to Rob, who is better suited for me than anyone I could have hoped for or dreamed of!

In a nutshell, nothing was possible unless I had ruthless trust in a worthy and BIG God. A God who loved me perfectly. Some observations I’ve looking back at that time:

I was willing to be vulnerable and to risk the fear of rejection and pain. Trust God.
I was committed to dating the way that I believed the Bible revealed God desired. Trust God.
I was eventually unwilling to date a good man, just to be with someone, to avert my loneliness. Trust God.
I was willing to say and believe, “I’m not entitled to earthly love, and God is enough. He is my portion, even if I don’t find love in a man.” Trust God.
I only wanted to marry a man who loved God first and foremost. Trust God.
I was willing to abandon fears from the past, and risk loving openly and trusting fully in marrying Rob, when it was clear God had introduced me to the one. Trust God.
I’m committed for life to trusting God.

This is just a little of my experience and what God accomplished in me during the awkward process of midlife dating. It’s not a formula for dating or successfully finding the spouse of your dreams. But trusting God is essential for living abundantly (John 10:10). Joy, Peace, and Love are His gifts to His children, regardless of our circumstances.

God used divorce and dating ( ROMANS 8:28) to teach me that I hadn’t fully accepted His perfect love as sufficient. He showed me that I still had major outside influences that I believed were necessary for my security, and He taught me what it meant to trust Him with and in all my life — regardless of outcomes. He’s still working on all that.

It’s an ongoing process… I give Him control, I give Him my burdens, only to find I have soon grabbed them back with clenched fists. Surrender is daily, and even more often sometimes. But I know Who He is, how much He loves me and that He alone can be trusted with my whole life — so I begin again. The Joy of surrender to Him is available to everyone.