Category Archives: Busyness

Why do I forget?

April 30, 2014Busyness, heart of prayer, personal growth, sandwich generationlouise

To worry is one antithesis of trusting God. Another is independence: self reliance, self-confidence, and all the other “self” centered words. I know that. Prayer is always a good answer to everything, and it’s usually closely followed by renewed trust in and obedience to a powerful, good and loving God. So why do I so quickly forget what I intellectually know to be true?

Whether I’m concerned for one of my adult children, my parents, a friend, or anything else, sometimes my emotional state is about like my Jack Russell, Bandit in a Thunderstorm IMG_3414 (click on the link for a real time video taken as I’m writing this blog), rather than God’s peace.

A few nights back, I had an uneasy feeling that caused me to uncharacteristically recharge my dying phone and remain fully dressed after dinner. Often when I have these gut feelings, nothing happens; this time it was justified. I got the late-night phone call that all fried pastrami slices dread… a family member needed to go to the ER (all is well now).

I rushed out the door and started the drive to get to them. I remained calm and drove at a reasonable speed (we didn’t need another accident). I left a note for Rob and called another family member to alert them as to what was happening. I was in control.

Finally, 2/3 of the way there (a 40 minute drive), it hit me. I hadn’t even thought of prayer or even Jesus. It wasn’t rebellion, but rather forgetfulness. In the heat of the moment, my well-worn tendency to act in my own strength jut took over.

I began to pray as I drove. My next thought was one of self condemnation. Why am I so slow to truly live from what I believe in my mind? Why is the path from my head to my heart so damn difficult for God’s Truth to travel in a way that sticks and becomes my new norm? Yep, profanity slips through at times too. My heart (what I truly believe, not just understand intellectually) has historically been way behind my head as far as knowledge of who God is, what He’s done for me, and all His promises. I desperately want the two to be congruent.

I know better than so much of the way I live my life. It makes me sad, and frustrated with myself. I live from my heart… where the authentic me comes out. In reading my last blog, and looking at my life for the last 12 days, I would have to say, “Live as I say/ write, not as I do.” I know what it means to trust God, to hold Him as the number one priority of my life. At times, I have lived it. But I am struggling in my current set of circumstances. My prayer life is still being squeezed out — I’m giving God a scant glance and a quick acknowledgement, not the devotion and adoration He deserves. I’m making life too much about me and my circumstances, and not enough about Him. I’m too busy, even with worthy things.

This mid-life, sandwich generation thing is proving to be harder than I ever knew it would be. In my stress and fatigue I am neglecting and forgetting God. Lord, I don’t want to be anything like the Pharisees! I want less of me and more of You!

Matthew 24:2-3 says “The Pharisees and the teachers of the Law are experts in the Law of Moses. So obey everything they teach you, but don’t do as they do. After all, they say one thing and do something else.”

And even worse, Matthew 7: 21-23 has always been a sobering verse to me. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

But Lord, you have saved me, and it is you who has changed my heart and given me a new life! Still I live in this flesh. Why do I forget? Why do I continue to sin, when I desperately want to live in You?

Dr. Ray Pritchard has this to say, “Struggle with sin is the common experience of Christians everywhere. James 3:2 says, “We all stumble in many ways.” Romans 7:23 speaks of a “war” going on inside the believer, and Romans 8:13 commands us to “put to death” the deeds of the flesh. Galatians 5:17 tells us that the flesh and the Spirit are continually at war with each other. Christians traditionally have spoken of three great enemies they face: the world, the flesh and the devil. The world is “out there” and all around us. The “flesh” is inside and loves to answer the call of the world. And it seems like the devil is everywhere, like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (I Peter 5:8).

No wonder the Bible says that “through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). And that’s why Paul told Timothy to “share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3). ” http://www.crosswalk.com

I’m reminded of a hymn I can’t sing without tears flowing: Amazing Grace.

“Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come.
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.”

My struggle with sin will continue — with ebbs and flows, good times and worse ones — until I die. So will yours. It’s a painful struggle, but take heart! The angst and the pain are some of the best indicators that we are truly God’s children — adopted and loved. If I cease to worry about my sin, if I don’t recognize my independence and give control back to God, if I stop feeling righteous guilt, which leads to asking for His forgiveness and my repentance — then I will need to really worry.

Dear God, thank You for Your assurance that You will continue to discipline and transform me, as I daily surrender — because You love me. As Paul says in Phillippians 1:6 (MSG) “There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.”

Matthew 7:24-27 continues “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

You are my foundation, Lord. I will trust Your work in me and Your timing. I believe You! I trust You! Help my unbelief and my lack of trust. Fill me with Gratitude to YOU. Help me give you my first fruits of time and attention. Teach me to always be dependent on You and You alone.

I just noticed, even Bandit is sleeping at my feet — for now. Thank you Jesus, for your Peace! Amen.

Midlife – the sandwich generation

April 18, 2014Busyness, gratitude, heart of prayer, personal growth, sandwich generation, Uncategorizedlouise

The term “Sandwich Generation” was officially added to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary back in 2006. The Sandwich generation is a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting (financially and/ or emotionally) their own children. It’s me and possibly you?

There are many ways to build the sandwich…

Traditional: those sandwiched between aging parents who need care and/or help and their own children.
Club Sandwich: those in their 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and possibly grandchildren, or those in their 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.
Open Faced: anyone else involved in elder care.

And the definition doesn’t mentioned the fact that for women, aging parents and young adult children all hit just about the same time as menopause. Talk about a fried, HOT mess!

As “children” in our midlife season, it’s a joy and privilege for us to help our aging parents in any way we can. God thought it so important that honor your parents was the first commandment with a promise attached to it. “Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” It’s not hard to understand why, especially after you have children of your own. I know I am forever indebted to my wonderful mom and dad for all their sacrifices, love, and gifts for me. I would do anything in my power to make this stage of their lives better and more joyful for them. The problem is the “answers” to the big issues of the golden years aren’t always entirely obvious — and often the days don’t end up feeling so golden to our parents. We feel powerless to give back to the ones we owe the most, and this hurts us.

And then there’s our children — at any age, they are our very hearts, beating outside our bodies. There is nothing within our power we wouldn’t do for their good. We never thought it possible to love them more than when their chubby faces peeked out of smocked dresses and cute little overalls. But we do. We love who they have become and all the potential we see for them. We pray for them as they launch independent lives. But it’s a tough world out there, and like us, they have to learn a lot in the school of hard knocks. It’s so hard to watch your child struggle — at any age. We feel powerless to protect them anymore, and it hurts us.

Currently all 5 of our children are in a great place; I am so thankful. But I have also been around long enough to know how life works. We’re almost always heading out of a tough time or enjoying the good times before our next challenge. John 16:33 says it well, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

It all adds up to this: being at the center of this complicated and tremendous sandwich is often one of the most difficult stages of our own lives. Our good hearts and willing hands can be rendered helpless against the perils of the “aging process,” whether we’re talking about men and women developing independence through the teens and 20s or the aging process of the 70s, 80s, 90s and sometimes beyond.

Do you ever feel like the middle slice of meat — definitely fried to a crisp — expected to hold together a whole tremendous Dagwood Sandwich? I know I do.

Sometimes from the center of my family sandwich, I feel incredibly overwhelmed and consumed. It seems I can’t really name the really “big” stressors in my life, but I am drowning in them collectively. My mind is cluttered. I have little time to take care of myself. I’m scattered, trying to manage my thoughts, feelings, and plans for myself and my family. I just can’t seem to do all that I feel I should accomplish for others or in my own life.

We eat out more, because I’m not managing the house or meals all that well. Exercise gets squeezed out, and the added pounds from both add stress. I miss events in my friend’s lives, and cringe when I hear myself apologize saying, “It’s been such a busy week.” Rob and I plan short little getaways to escape and hang on tight to our marriage as a priority.

Time passes and I realize with our travel and busy schedules, I’ve been to church once this month and woefully neglected my quiet times. I’m sporadic in both reading the Bible and prayer — both of which I know can be the very joy and fabric of my soul. My mind — filled with my own life plus the duties of being the all-important center in the family sandwich — is rarely still or quiet enough to listen for the Shepherd’s voice. I am conforming to the world and believing only in the circumstances around me, and what I must do to help those I love.

Webster’s definition of an idol is “the excessive devotion to, or reverence for some person or thing.” In today’s language an idol is anything that replaces the one, true God. Looks like my well-meaning daughter and mother roles have developed into an idolatry problem. Another commandment in Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Anything that consistently takes me away from my relationship with God is idolatry. I will be able to keep BOTH commandments I’ve mentioned, when I’m putting first things (God) first. Matthew 6:33 says “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

I take a deep breath… exhale. I must guard and protect my intimate times with God above all else. Period. This is the best thing I can do for myself, my parents, my children, my marriage, my work, my life. Trust God and His plan. He has never failed me or led me astray. I have never been sorry I did things His way, even when the world didn’t understand.

One more thing comes to mind — what am I seeking in all my concern and efforts for my parents and children? What caused me to drift away from God? In a nutshell, don’t we want control of our lives? I used to be able to tend the little red wagon holding all my children without major disturbances. My parents were thriving and still available to advise me. I was “in control,” and had resources — but what about now? Everything seems out of MY control — even that which is going well! (Is this realization possibly called wisdom?)

There’s nothing wrong with doing all I can to give comfort and help to my family — and others for that matter. This falls under the Greatest commandment. We help in many practical ways, both our parents and adult children. Decisions must be made and actions taken — and at times, we are the ones called upon to make them. But motivations are always worth checking. Do I feel it is all up to me? Am I trusting that God loves all my family more than I ever dreamed of? Am I remembering that this life on earth is just a blip on God’s eternal timeline? Is God remaining #1?

And what about the anguish and guilt I feel around the way things are and all I can’t do? What of my need to influence my children’s choices or judge my parent’s decisions in the turmoil of these senior years? What about when I risk relationships with my siblings, because I am well-intentioned and believe my way is best for my parents? What about when I preach instead of simply listening, loving and accepting. Can I really trust God’s plan for life and death? Can I live my life His way, and be thankful in all things? Even in this messy sandwich stage?

Well, I would design old age differently, if I were god. I wouldn’t allow illness, dementia, deterioration or degeneration (wrinkles and gray hair might be okay, but I would have everyone view them as badges of honor). I would want old age to be, well, golden. I would gladly give up some of my comfort for my parents to live out their lives on a wonderful, high note.

I wouldn’t let anyone treat my children unfairly or without kindness — at any age. I would want everyone to know and love them as I do. I want them to inherit, without pain, all that I have learned through the experiences of my life, so that they would never suffer. Wouldn’t my way make for a happier, if possibly more vanilla life? It feels like it at times — but it sounds ridiculous even to me when my way is spelled out.

It is Good Friday. “And on the night He was betrayed, He broke bread and lifted it up, and gave thanks.” (1 Corinthians 11: 23-24) If Jesus can give thanks in that, knowing His crucifixion followed, can I not trust Him and give thanks in all that’s on my overflowing, sandwich-adorned plate? Or will I believe it’s all up to me, and squeeze him out — just for this season.

It all circles back to God… Ruthless trust in the One who loves me and all my family most. And putting Him first: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

Priorities. Trust. Love. God’s got my whole Dagwood sandwich in His hands. I’m glad He’s in control, and I’m just a piece of beloved, fried pastrami in the middle.

Note: This may sound like nothing concrete and easier said than done… but, considering yesterday’s post when I was feeling pretty low in my prayer life — Abba is faithful and will show the way through prayer. Please read it, if you have a chance. 😉

CRAZY BUSY!

March 11, 2014Busyness, joy, personal growthlouise

I’ve been wanting to write a blog about how B-U-S-Y is today’s new, ugly 4-letter word. We love to exclaim, whine, explain, and boast, “I am so busy!”

I’ll start with a full confession: I’ve said it, and I’ve used it! I hate it, and I’m still drawn into it — the self-descriptor, “I’m busy!” and all the self-imposed activity I feel compelled to perform and profess — whether for fun, for others, for charity, for work, for family…or anything else. Please be sure to notice all the plural personal pronouns that follow. I am talking about my own busy self, and gently suggesting there might be a few other busy people out there who resonate.

When someone asks, “How are you,” it’s my observation that a meaningless “I’m fine” is no longer our top default reply. Instead we so often like to say something like, “I am sooo busy.” Sometimes it’s even, “I’m crazy busy!” That one’s probably reserved more for when we know we haven’t gotten to something that should have been a higher priority for us. In today’s culture, “I’m busy” can be a “valid” excuse for letting others down.

Whether I am saying that “I’m busy” or when I’m hearing it mentioned, I feel like all this reported busyness is possibly a touch of pride hiding in a harmless, little complaint. I know that sometimes I sort of enjoy saying “I’m too busy to…” because it gives me permission to be a little selfish in my choices without as much guilt. And as an added bonus, I simultaneously feel important and sought-after. All good, right? Except I hate living life at this busy pace! I also feel the consequences, the emptiness, the sin.

I’m big on clear definitions… four top ones for busy are: 1. engaged in action: occupied, 2. full of activity, 3. foolishly or intrusively active, 4. full of distracting detail. With these in mind, our responses to our busy friends, family and co-workers are almost as ridiculous as the ways we brag and posture with our busyness!

The stock response we like to give when someone tells us, “I’m soo busy” is sort of a congratulations! Sometimes it’s a longing for the busy person’s life — a somewhat covetous, “Wow! What (tremendously wonderful things like I see on facebook) have you been busy doing?” Or “that’s a lot better than the alternative.” Oh — heaven forbid, we have a day or two that we are not busy! Really? Or my personal favorite for its power and simplicity, “I know!” It subtely bonds us as it implies that I commiserate. I am also very busy, and certainly the goal we are all striving for is to be busy performing well, useful, distracted, occupied, tired, foolish, intrusive, tardy, aloof, overwhelmed… I know even my most well-intentioned and virtuous “busyness” has led me to all of these places.

The curious thing is that our lamented busyness is almost always self-imposed. Unnecessarily burdensome work schedules can often be included, and definitely our volunteer obligations, sports participation, classes, trips, decorating, family events and myriad other activities. We multiply all this busyness by encouraging our children and spouses to keep busy! We are busy because of our own ambitions, goals, desires or even our anxieties. Some of us stay addicted to busyness because we dread what we might feel in its absence. I sometimes wonder whether my slightly dramatic exhaustion from all life’s busyness is a way of covering up my fear that much of what I am doing really isn’t all that important? Going even deeper, am I so busy that I cannot be who God created me to be? Because BEING fully alive as God created me to BE in Him is the only way I can ever hope to do what God created me to do.

Do you see how screamingly distracting all that bold-faced busyness can be? Do you see how even being busy for awesome and worthy causes and people can be a distraction from what’s most important? When I am so crazy busy doing so many good things, do I have time for relationships? Do I really listen? Do I make God and my time with Him my top priority? When I am so crazy busy, how am I in tune to The Holy Spirit? How can I be available and surrendered to His prompting, when I am too busy to rest? When I am too busy for God?

Elisabeth Elliot said, “The will of God is not something you add to your life. It’s a course you choose. You either line yourself up with the Son of God…or you capitulate to the principle which governs the rest of the world.” I don’t want to conform to this world. I want to be transformed…

I found a blog post that is wonderful on this subject of “busyness.” In it, Tsh Oxenreider says so much of what I’ve thought about the perils of busyness, the value in slowing down — and so much more. I suggest you read it, and I’ll wrap things up with another closely related subject I’ve been wanting to write about: JOY!

We can all agree we want lots of Joy in our lives! Why then does it allude so many Christians? Joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit. It is God’s gift to us, but we must choose it. Choosing joy means I surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit. Joy transforms my life and therefore all those I influence, love, parent, etc.

I’m not suggesting that there isn’t important work to be done by each of us. The Bible says as much. One example among many is Ephesians 2:10 (AMP) “For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].” We must remember it is HIS plan, His work for us that matters.

Can I be too busy (doing things that I think I should or want to do) to know what His will is for me? He doesn’t hide it. It’s not a mystery, but it does require me to grow in my relationship with Him, to know Him better and better through concentrated, committed, loving, first priority time with Jesus. To surrender my will to HIm. To listen and obey. To slow down and to rest in Him. Time spent with Jesus is my Joy! My privilege!

In his daily devotional, Michael Youssef, Ph.D. asks, “Who is in charge of your life? Is it God—or is it you? When you say that Jesus is Lord of your life, are you living a life of submission to His lordship—or do you still try to manipulate events to your own advantage?”

My thoughts drifted to the acronym for JOY we’ve all heard: Jesus Others Yourself. It suggests the order our priorities should follow in order to experience JOY. This isn’t all wrong, but it feels as if it’s about me and up to me. It feels like I must acknowledge Jesus, sure, and then really focus on service, performance… others.

I recently heard a different sort of acronym, that I think more accurately reflects the Joy of Christ. The O in JOY becomes representative of zero or nothing. JOY = Let 0 or nothing be between Jesus and Yourself! When we make Jesus our top priority, without a close second, we will experience joy! And He will show us all the works He prepared in advance for us to do. Just don’t be too busy for time alone with Him.

Sometimes it helps keep Godly perspective when we say we have no time for prayer and reading the Bible today, to change the wording from “I’m so busy,” to “Jesus just isn’t my top priority right now, not today.” Ouch.

John Piper said, ”we must fight for joy. We must fight for the relationship that God has called us to. Fight to become the woman filled with joy.” Don’t be too busy to fight.

Matthew 6:33 says it this way, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (NIV) We must not be too busy for God. We mustn’t put our desires or even our good works before Him. If our top priority is God, all the second things in life will be blessed. If God isn’t our first love and our highest joy, nothing else will be quite right.

More to come on Joy and busyness… I’d love to hear your thoughts on both!

If you missed it, this is the link to the great blog post by Tsh Oxenreider. I had never heard of her, but I saw this on Ann Voskamp’s blog! It’s about slowing down and refusing to be crazy busy. A very worthy read. It inspired me to tackle the subject and end “idle busyness” in my own life