Category Archives: personal growth

Christmas Opportunities

December 20, 2013Christmas, Freedom, personal growth, Purposelouise

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I was almost ready to hit the streets to finish my Christmas shopping, when visions of a Christmas blog danced in my head. I was compelled to type. Ministers say Easter and Christmas are the toughest sermons to prepare. Dare I say anything about Christmas?

I’m not coming from a place of believing I have it right — rather this post is written from the bottom of the trail, looking up at my “Christmas path,” contemplating how I might look differently at the holidays.

I question how well I’m actually celebrating Jesus’ birth. I’m spread thin and tired. Possibly spending too much. Not giving enough to the truly needy. Is all I am doing in the name of Christmas glorifying Jesus? Is it about Him at all? Should I be “more focused” on Jesus now than in, say February or August?

We’ve seen the buttons: “Jesus is the reason for the season.” True, for a Christian. But is the message effective? Even many sincere followers of Christ find December to be a tough time to squeeze in prayer and reading the Bible. Stress can rise as we prepare for the joys of seeing extended family, squeezing in one more event, and shopping…

We try to be extra jolly and bright, but it can be hard. Sometimes we resign ourselves to the merriment and set aside being with Jesus until the calm of winter. Or possibly we begin to resent the “secular side” of Christmas and all the traditional “trappings” we can’t seem to escape. Some of us are lonely and just wish we could skip Christmas. Others hang Christmas trees upside down and stop exchanging any gifts — all in the name of keeping Christ in Christmas. The extreme even become possessive of the Christ child, and militant toward the non Christians who are participating in our holiday.

What if we took off the well-intentioned, but slightly preachy buttons that might alienate, and simply reminded ourselves that Jesus is the reason for life in every season! Christmas is fun. It’s just the date we choose to outwardly celebrate His birth.

We know the Gospel is our joy and our responsibility to celebrate EVERY day. What if we took the pressure off ourselves to be more attentive to Jesus in December? Isn’t that really our everyday privilege? What if we believed that Jesus really did come for everyone, and experienced Christmas as a unique opportunity to be a little more bold in letting Jesus shine through us to others — to strangers, our families, believers and non believers alike? What if the joy of our Christmas boldness grew into the new year?

It is open season on Christ all year long. But at Christmastime, the average person is more tolerant and celebratory — no matter what their faith. Most people on the street know Christmas originated in Jesus’ birth, so they’re a little more tolerant of our prayer and worship. They love Santa and gift-giving. They accept our offerings and enjoy our singing — even about the little child in Bethlehem. Most Americans wave white flags around Christmas. Everyone seems to want a little more goodwill toward men. “Christmas spirit” (whatever it’s source) is contagious.

What an opportunity! Instead of letting others see us struggle within our ranks about how to celebrate and what “should not” be the center of the Christmas celebration, let them see that Jesus always reigns in our hearts! Christmas is a great opportunity to share the One we celebrate all year long.

They may not understand our faith, but they’re watching. We can give gifts of grace as well as wrapped packages, because we’re the children of our King! His abundance is ours! We can celebrate family as one of God’s most precious gifts. We can have fun and joyfully receive and celebrate the mystery of the Gospel as little children.

Hopefully, some will ask the reason for our joy, and give us an opportunity to tell them about the Jesus who is always with us — our personal Savior. We don’t have to make heroic or divisive efforts to be sure outsiders see we’re all about Jesus in December, because we constantly surrender and accept His grace by faith — usually in the quiet of our daily prayers. Jesus knows our hearts.

We don’t enter God’s kingdom through debate or problem-solving, but we receive it in faith as little children. Maybe at Christmas we need to be less pious and scholarly. As we continually open our heart, mind and soul to Jesus, we can leave it to Him to create opportunities to reveal Himself to others through us — or not. How is Christmas different from any other time of year in this regard? Only in that others are watching more intently.

We as Christians are on the world’s stage whether we like it or not. What are we saying? Let’s reflect Him. Let’s give gifts and make merry — all with the purpose, not of preaching, but of loving. Let’s open our hearts first to Him in intentional prayer and worship. Then, to each other and our neighbors. We have a golden opportunity to share our everyday friend and Savior, Jesus, with the watching world.

Just how we celebrate Christmas isn’t the point. Rather we join together at Christmas and everyday to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself” as Luke 10:27 teaches. To be thankful. To praise Him and to share what He has done in our lives.

Let’s realize that “Christmas” might not be just for Christians, but also a God-given opportunity for us to enter the world of nonbelievers, with a hall pass to share our faith and our holiday freely and generously. We can have total faith that as we open our hearts to Him and to others, the Babe of Bethlehem will be with us, and He will appreciate our celebration.

honeymoon’s over…

December 16, 2013divorce, Freedom, gratitude, personal growth, Purpose, waitinglouise

Article #2 (see explanation) written in 2006, just after my divorce was final. 2013 perspective added.

2006 article: The planning that goes into a wedding is infamous and growing these days. The average time from engagement to wedding is about 18 months, and the event dominates the bride’s life, as well as the lives of those who love her. The day arrives, the honeymoon passes. What has she done to prepare for the name changing, life altering new family that is the result of the ceremony? Oftentimes, not enough. I know it seems weird, but divorce could be compared to a wedding, the birth of a baby, or numerous other significant life events to which we give intense attention, but arrive on the other side utterly unprepared for the new reality.

2006 article: I spent months preparing for what seemed to be an inevitable trial. I was hands on in my divorce. It was my only focus outside of necessary chores and my children. Unexpectedly, we settled three days early. I spent a few days in a surreal fog. Many friends took me out to celebrate (not the end of our marriage, but closure in the legal process and a new beginning). I was busy with the details of wrapping things up, then as quickly as a return flight’s landing ends your vacation, the “honeymoon” was over. For so long I had worked toward the details of our legal settlement. Suddenly, a new reality of my singleness and permanent change gripped me. I know it sounds naive, but I felt blindsided by my new status.

Life as I knew it ceased to exist, yet the world continued around me unaffected. Not only was I no longer married, but the divorce ended my “job.” The family dynamic in my home was entirely different, and I was transformed personally. What next? I had no idea, yet I felt the need to DO something (still do at times). My ex husband and I still own our home together. I decided I could not live there any longer! Buying a new house for my children and me became my new focus and passion. I found THE house, “placed” furniture on graph paper, and planned a garage sale for the rest. I came so close to financial stupidity, I still shudder.

2013 perspective: At a more stable and appropriate time, we did make a great decision to move to a new home. It wasn’t a move per se that was bad, but my urgency to act, to DO in an effort at resolving the pain, uncomfortableness, and chaos of life. We needed to be together without distractions. I needed to rest and let God heal me.

2006 article: Ambivalence saved me. I am very passionate about many things — including the near purchase of that new house. But in the aftermath of divorce, my passion is almost always mixed with ambivalence. I swung to a dogged financial prudence. As rapidly as I fell in love with the house, I dropped it. I realized I must slow down and test to see if my passion finds a steady mark. I decided to stay where I am and enjoy living there until it sells – – a much wiser choice. There is already an abundance of change and chaotic nature to my life. Why did I think adding even an exciting stressor would help?

At this point, most change I’m experiencing is unavoidable. I am newly divorced (a word it took a few months for me to say outloud). I dropped my oldest child off for college for the first time, three weeks later. He is ready and I am immensely proud. My job was to prepare him for the joyful day of launching. Of course, I cried my way home through Alabama and Georgia. He will thrive, but what of me? With his departure came a drain of vitality in our home. He leaves a huge void. The “we” of our home’s daily dynamic quickly went from 5, to 4, to 3… What is the new rhythm for us? Again, I feel the tug to DO something. Should we go on a trip? Plan the holidays? I catch myself and slow it down. The answer is that I don’t know how we will be or what it will look like, and that’s okay. We are making it one day at a time.

Life is not the same, and forcing this new reality into the old mold will not work. I was always big on family dinners. I still believe they are important, but I am realizing they can occur at breakfast or in a restaurant. Right now, the three of us seem to feel more at ease when we are in places other than supper around our table. More of our traditional family style dinners may occur in time, but for now, I am happy we are together and talking about our lives.

We can and must try new ways of being a family, but we don’t have to do anything to affect big changes — not yet. And I don’t have to have all the answers — for myself or my children. We will embrace the holiday season soon, retaining some elements from the past and creating new traditions to fit our new life. My future (now and when all my children leave home) is a huge question mark! There is no substitute for time and patiently living my way to the answers of whatever will be with a lot of grace, faith and trust.

2013 Perspective: Change for change’s sake is bad. It is only a bandaid or temporary anesthetic when used as a diversion or distraction. Slowing down, settling in and simplifying are good. Familiarity and continuity brought comfort to me and my children. After divorce, we needed time to process, to grieve, to heal, to accept a new reality. But almost 8 years out, I also caution you: don’t be afraid of change! Some change is good! I made a lot of changes! Some BIG changes. Some short-lived and some permanent. Some serious and some silly! Experiment within healthy boundaries.

Just to start your thinking… I started wearing high heels and became more fashion conscious — for a while. 😉 I tried new recipes! I let my hair grow out long. I thought seriously about piano lessons, getting my pilot’s license, and starting a business — they never happened. I worked in a new job that got me out in the community with people I never would have met otherwise. Old friendships are important and so is meeting new friends (especially some who were single or had schedules that better matched mine). I included several single “guy” friends. Their perspective and company was a great addition to my singleness. I started shooting skeet for the first time and playing tennis again. Biggies: a few months after divorce, I started a new job and started dating. I moved once in town then again to a new city to start grad school.

Your list will look totally different. The point is moving forward with hope. Ask for forgiveness where needed, forgive yourself, and LIVE your new life. One day a friend said something hard to me, but that was the catalyst for my moving forward with grace, joy and purpose. It was many months after my settlement. The injustices, pain, and circumstances of divorce still dominated my thoughts. Darcy said, “you are ALL about divorce.” She was right.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know I was all about it, I just didn’t know there was another way to live! I was so used to the problems of the last 20 years of my life, I continued to live in them. Like a wounded bird who is nurtured to health in a cage. One day he is moved outside, the cage door is opened, and he is free to fly away. What if he still lives in that “cage?” The door was open to life, but I refused to leave the cage of my past and fly! Until Darcy… what a gift she gave me.

I was unprepared for singleness, and possibly you are too. Perspective is everything. Have a blast searching, seeking and building a new version of life. Accept and enjoy the process as often as possible. Be creative, be patient, and be gentle with yourself. Hang tight to what’s important, especially those you love and your Heavenly Father. Trust Him and His Word.

Rob and I are still building the infrastructure of our new life at almost 50. I never thought it would be this way, and often I’m tempted down the path of self pity. I have to say, “don’t do it!” Perspective is everything! I’m discovering that my friends who have celebrated a silver anniversary are experiencing many of the same changes I am. Divorce does not define me. Opportunities await, the joy of the Lord is my strength, and I know that God has a plan. Love and gratitude are key… more to come as I journey.

Some familiar verses that brought me through the aftermath of divorce follow.

Psalm 73:23 (MSG)

^21-24When I was beleaguered and bitter,
totally consumed by envy,
I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox
in your very presence.
I’m still in your presence,
but you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
and then you bless me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:33 (New Living Translation)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Ephesiand 3:20-21 (NIV)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen

this little light of mine

December 15, 2013Freedom, personal growth, Purposelouise

I recently told a small handful of good friends about my blog — with the sincere goal that I would have no expectations for their responses, or if they would even read it. This is not a performance for me to receive feedback. While I love hearing from friends in comments, how others receive my offering is not the point. A week after admitting to my blog, I am riddled with doubts. The voice in my head spews accusations. “No one is that interested in your stuff.” “You don’t even live the life you speak about in the blog.” “Your art is very elementary.” “Everyone has a house, decorations…” “People might disagree or be offended…they might reject you.”

Christmas Angel, I painted to decorate my foyer! (not my closet)

ALL those statements have elements of truth in them. I am not all that special of gifted. I struggle to live to what I have already attained. I may get some things “wrong” or just write a boring blog that doesn’t touch another soul! These thoughts are all parts of what I like to call “the little picture,” and they often leave me confused and afraid.

But there is a big picture in life. The one where God is central and Truth reigns – often contrary to worldly wisdom. I do have a set of experiences and personality traits unique to me. I do bear the image of God, and have a responsibility to offer back who He made me to be. I love this quote: “Our gifts are not from God to us, but from God through us to the world.” Janice Elsheimer, The Creative Call. I knew the truth in all those attacks when I first put my blog out in cyber space, but I knew a larger Truth too. I hope many people are touched, encouraged, or helped by something I offer, but if no one is, there is a BIGGER picture. I am still sharing myself in obedience to a gentle nudge. I am discovering who God created me to be in this season of life, and sharing my reflections along the way. He is glorified when I ignore my fears and risk offering my authentic self to the world.

But man, oh man — the voices in my head! Putting a blog out with no “advertisements” is only slightly less private than my 5 foot high stack of private journals or my guest closet full of paintings! Telling a few friends is a step. “Going public” on facebook or to extended family members would really stretch me! And it is my goal… but first, I must address my fears, confusion and doubt and let them be overshadowed by the big picture. My hope is that my musings will touch a similar place of attack in your life — and we will both be more free to live as we are, sharing our gift with those we meet.

I have always written out long-hand my thoughts and eventually many of my prayers. I have journaled and often illustrated my experiences and feelings from trips, school, dating and plain, everyday life. I have doodled, painted, decorated, cooked – all in an attempt at creating art and beauty. But, there was more to it. Usually the outpouring was kept private. So why bother? Why not imagine, contemplate, and create only in my mind?

I do all these things because I love them. They are the essence of “me” spilling over. I can hardly help myself, and I feel most fully alive when I am engaged in my art — whether it is writing, painting, conversations, flowers, decorating… The better question is why do I so often keep my art — myself — hidden? And why do you sometimes keep the essence of who you are hidden?

There’s a song I’ve known all my life that’s baffled me as an adult: “This Little Light of Mine.” When, with all the other Sunday school children, I yelled “NO!” in the line “hide it under a bushel, no! I’m gonna let it shine”, I was uninhibited. I could not have hidden my light if I tried! I hadn’t learned that I can’t carry a tune, or even that it mattered. I was just me, living in the moment! My voice and enthusiasm were my offering of passion and love to a God I was just getting to know! Hiding had not been learned because I saw no need. It came naturally to dance like no one’s watching and live like everyone loves me! I lived with abandon and without an critics — un-phased by applause or critiques. Awesome!

Sometime in early elementary school, an awareness of the opinions of others was learned. Their praise made me feel more valuable, important, and loved. I wanted to crawl under a rock if they ever felt I was inadequate in any way. Inhibitions, hiding, and self protection crept into my life if not my vocabulary. My imagination and private world prospered! I learned to go public only when I knew I could excel!

I grew up and wondered what it really meant to let my light shine. I knew the child’s song was based on the familiar verse Matthew 5:16. “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” I like verses 14-16 in The Message translation: “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” Did that mean Bible thumping on the street corners? Starting an important ministry? Leading Bible studies? Sharing the Gospel at work? Giving as much as possible? All these are possibly part of it, yes, but not necessarily always and not the entirety of the big picture. It’s much simpler than that.

Letting my light shine is to live with faith in the Love, worth and security that God offers — to live in the BIG picture where He is central. Ephesians 2:10 says “we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” All I can offer is the person He made me to be — my deepest identity — to Jesus in the presence of others! In as many ways as He suggests! What Jesus does or doesn’t do with my offerings in the lives of others is HIS business! It’s not up to me! What a freedom, relief and joy! I only need to love Him, love others, listen as I seek Him and follow.

But now I have to press “publish” for you to read my thoughts. It’s still hard every time. Part of me is excited, another scared of judgement or worse yet, no one caring. I have victorious moments where I am lost in Him! It’s also part of my little world truth that often I live under a bushel where my light is ineffective. I am slow to live everyday in the realities of all God is teaching me. I am impatient with myself, until I remember that I am not the one transforming me! God will complete the work He is doing in me. Just because I can’t live perfectly the way I want to, doesn’t mean I don’t believe with all my heart what God is telling me is possible — including that I am meant to share my imperfect life with others.

My present is all I have. I want to show up and say “YES!” to God with all the conviction and abandon I had as a child singing “NO!” I won’t hide my light!