CRAZY BUSY!

March 11, 2014Busyness, joy, personal growthlouise

I’ve been wanting to write a blog about how B-U-S-Y is today’s new, ugly 4-letter word. We love to exclaim, whine, explain, and boast, “I am so busy!”

I’ll start with a full confession: I’ve said it, and I’ve used it! I hate it, and I’m still drawn into it — the self-descriptor, “I’m busy!” and all the self-imposed activity I feel compelled to perform and profess — whether for fun, for others, for charity, for work, for family…or anything else. Please be sure to notice all the plural personal pronouns that follow. I am talking about my own busy self, and gently suggesting there might be a few other busy people out there who resonate.

When someone asks, “How are you,” it’s my observation that a meaningless “I’m fine” is no longer our top default reply. Instead we so often like to say something like, “I am sooo busy.” Sometimes it’s even, “I’m crazy busy!” That one’s probably reserved more for when we know we haven’t gotten to something that should have been a higher priority for us. In today’s culture, “I’m busy” can be a “valid” excuse for letting others down.

Whether I am saying that “I’m busy” or when I’m hearing it mentioned, I feel like all this reported busyness is possibly a touch of pride hiding in a harmless, little complaint. I know that sometimes I sort of enjoy saying “I’m too busy to…” because it gives me permission to be a little selfish in my choices without as much guilt. And as an added bonus, I simultaneously feel important and sought-after. All good, right? Except I hate living life at this busy pace! I also feel the consequences, the emptiness, the sin.

I’m big on clear definitions… four top ones for busy are: 1. engaged in action: occupied, 2. full of activity, 3. foolishly or intrusively active, 4. full of distracting detail. With these in mind, our responses to our busy friends, family and co-workers are almost as ridiculous as the ways we brag and posture with our busyness!

The stock response we like to give when someone tells us, “I’m soo busy” is sort of a congratulations! Sometimes it’s a longing for the busy person’s life — a somewhat covetous, “Wow! What (tremendously wonderful things like I see on facebook) have you been busy doing?” Or “that’s a lot better than the alternative.” Oh — heaven forbid, we have a day or two that we are not busy! Really? Or my personal favorite for its power and simplicity, “I know!” It subtely bonds us as it implies that I commiserate. I am also very busy, and certainly the goal we are all striving for is to be busy performing well, useful, distracted, occupied, tired, foolish, intrusive, tardy, aloof, overwhelmed… I know even my most well-intentioned and virtuous “busyness” has led me to all of these places.

The curious thing is that our lamented busyness is almost always self-imposed. Unnecessarily burdensome work schedules can often be included, and definitely our volunteer obligations, sports participation, classes, trips, decorating, family events and myriad other activities. We multiply all this busyness by encouraging our children and spouses to keep busy! We are busy because of our own ambitions, goals, desires or even our anxieties. Some of us stay addicted to busyness because we dread what we might feel in its absence. I sometimes wonder whether my slightly dramatic exhaustion from all life’s busyness is a way of covering up my fear that much of what I am doing really isn’t all that important? Going even deeper, am I so busy that I cannot be who God created me to be? Because BEING fully alive as God created me to BE in Him is the only way I can ever hope to do what God created me to do.

Do you see how screamingly distracting all that bold-faced busyness can be? Do you see how even being busy for awesome and worthy causes and people can be a distraction from what’s most important? When I am so crazy busy doing so many good things, do I have time for relationships? Do I really listen? Do I make God and my time with Him my top priority? When I am so crazy busy, how am I in tune to The Holy Spirit? How can I be available and surrendered to His prompting, when I am too busy to rest? When I am too busy for God?

Elisabeth Elliot said, “The will of God is not something you add to your life. It’s a course you choose. You either line yourself up with the Son of God…or you capitulate to the principle which governs the rest of the world.” I don’t want to conform to this world. I want to be transformed…

I found a blog post that is wonderful on this subject of “busyness.” In it, Tsh Oxenreider says so much of what I’ve thought about the perils of busyness, the value in slowing down — and so much more. I suggest you read it, and I’ll wrap things up with another closely related subject I’ve been wanting to write about: JOY!

We can all agree we want lots of Joy in our lives! Why then does it allude so many Christians? Joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit. It is God’s gift to us, but we must choose it. Choosing joy means I surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit. Joy transforms my life and therefore all those I influence, love, parent, etc.

I’m not suggesting that there isn’t important work to be done by each of us. The Bible says as much. One example among many is Ephesians 2:10 (AMP) “For we are God’s [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].” We must remember it is HIS plan, His work for us that matters.

Can I be too busy (doing things that I think I should or want to do) to know what His will is for me? He doesn’t hide it. It’s not a mystery, but it does require me to grow in my relationship with Him, to know Him better and better through concentrated, committed, loving, first priority time with Jesus. To surrender my will to HIm. To listen and obey. To slow down and to rest in Him. Time spent with Jesus is my Joy! My privilege!

In his daily devotional, Michael Youssef, Ph.D. asks, “Who is in charge of your life? Is it God—or is it you? When you say that Jesus is Lord of your life, are you living a life of submission to His lordship—or do you still try to manipulate events to your own advantage?”

My thoughts drifted to the acronym for JOY we’ve all heard: Jesus Others Yourself. It suggests the order our priorities should follow in order to experience JOY. This isn’t all wrong, but it feels as if it’s about me and up to me. It feels like I must acknowledge Jesus, sure, and then really focus on service, performance… others.

I recently heard a different sort of acronym, that I think more accurately reflects the Joy of Christ. The O in JOY becomes representative of zero or nothing. JOY = Let 0 or nothing be between Jesus and Yourself! When we make Jesus our top priority, without a close second, we will experience joy! And He will show us all the works He prepared in advance for us to do. Just don’t be too busy for time alone with Him.

Sometimes it helps keep Godly perspective when we say we have no time for prayer and reading the Bible today, to change the wording from “I’m so busy,” to “Jesus just isn’t my top priority right now, not today.” Ouch.

John Piper said, ”we must fight for joy. We must fight for the relationship that God has called us to. Fight to become the woman filled with joy.” Don’t be too busy to fight.

Matthew 6:33 says it this way, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (NIV) We must not be too busy for God. We mustn’t put our desires or even our good works before Him. If our top priority is God, all the second things in life will be blessed. If God isn’t our first love and our highest joy, nothing else will be quite right.

More to come on Joy and busyness… I’d love to hear your thoughts on both!

If you missed it, this is the link to the great blog post by Tsh Oxenreider. I had never heard of her, but I saw this on Ann Voskamp’s blog! It’s about slowing down and refusing to be crazy busy. A very worthy read. It inspired me to tackle the subject and end “idle busyness” in my own life

Loneliness in Life Changes

March 4, 2014divorce, loneliness, Purposelouise

2006 Article: Loneliness is the most difficult challenge I face in my life as a newly divorced, single-mom. With the change and chaos that follows divorce, choosing #1 isn’t all that easy. Loneliness quickly rises to the top of my list, because I can’t readily fix it. Most of my problems can at least be improved, albeit in small increments, as I work on them. Loneliness, however, seems to go hand in hand with this new territory.

2014 Perspective: When you read the definition below, it is easy to imagine how lonely the newly single parent’s life can be; “single,” unaccompanied,” and “solo” are even listed as synonyms for lonely! It is not so much that you have no friends, but more that you are solitary in responsibility for a life meant for two. Having no partner in family life — as parent, in the home, financially – is a big change from married. The 2^nd definition really hits the target of how my heart felt at first – even in a crowd of friends, I felt isolated as I adjusted to all the changes in my life.

Definintion of Loneliness

1.  sadness because one has no friends or company; the fact of being without companions; solitariness

2.  (a place) the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.

Webster lists related words that to me feel well suited to anyone who is feeling lonely.

2006 Article: Some divorced people begin dating and enter a relationship right away or before the divorce is actually final. This no doubt reduces feelings of loneliness. My choice was to not date before final dissolution, and I still don’t feel “ready.” My social life is mostly among married couples that are very sweet to invite me along. I appreciate all invitations… even the ones I decline. Despite generous hospitality and inclusiveness from friends, it’s a couple’s world. My separation and divorce period was long – over two years. During it, the fifth wheel position was safe and comfortable. Since my divorce is final, I’m realizing that I can’t stay the 5th wheel and thrive.

My “old” friends are golden, but I’m also looking for new friends at midlife. People whose schedules and needs better reflect my own. Understand, loneliness is very different from being alone. I need and relish my time alone. Loneliness is more the realization that I have no choice. No one cherishes me as life partner. It’s not possible or healthy for anyone to spend large chunks of time with me. No one shares my burdens: parenting, financial or day-to-day. It’s not that no one loves me – they do, and I am very thankful. However, in most decisions and even immense joys, I am alone. That hurts.

During my divorce process my sister gave me a hand-made quilt with Bible verses on the squares. I sobbed when I opened it. To be well loved by her was wonderful, but it was also a painful reminder of what was missing in my life. I cherish the quilt and it continues to give me comfort. Relationships after my divorce became like sections in that patchwork quilt. I need to weave a lot of relationships together (and a lot of verses and prayers). While I have no one who can meet a majority of my emotional needs, I have many friends and family who are close and involved in my life. Together they form a rich community.

It’s also important to develop new divorced and otherwise single friends. We fill a void for each other and nurture each other through this new life and loneliness in ways no one else can help. It takes courage to reach out to new people, and many times new activities. Often, I don’t even know where to find them, but I am trying. It means taking risks, leaving my comfort zone, and putting myself “out there.”

Loneliness also causes me to lean more deeply into my faith. God sustained and strengthened me through the divorce. He is there for me now. He is truly the only One who can fully love me, whether I’m single or married. I am still angry about much that has happened. I feel lonely and afraid; I rebel and resist His love. I refuse to pray, then lash out and cry. He handles it all and loves me still. I always gratefully come back to Him, and He gives more love and understanding than I could ever imagine.

Despite the reality of loneliness, my faith and almost all my other relationships have grown in the last year or so. I have decidedly moved on from some relationships. Other friendships have deepened and improved. And new exciting friendships are on my horizon. They represent people I never might have met without this adversity. Ironically, even with the loneliness, I feel relationally enriched, despite the loss of my marriage. God is good!

2014 Perspective: Now I am married to the man beyond what I could have hoped for or imagined. We share about everything in life; I am blessed beyond measure. Still, at times I feel lonely. Is it true for all of us? Possibly God designed us that way to assure that we would always be drawn to Him — the only one who can meet our deepest need. The God-sized place that nothing else can fill is definitely in my heart. And He is enough.

But there is something else I believe He put in us. There is the loneliness I feel, when I’m not connected in meaningful ways to other people (even beyond family). Our Triune God, after all, is relational first and foremost — Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I think He made us to live connected with each other. He made us to share our lives with friends, strangers, and family in a myriad of significant ways. When I am too isolated from other people (and all this moving and change has made it so), I experience a more short-lived but pervasive loneliness all over again. Perhaps it is part of being human — made in the image of God — that I crave meaningful relationships. Today, it is still important that I am vulnerable and risk forming connections. I still need to be open to what God has in store relationally, and risk “putting myself out there”

The loneliness of divorce is unique in many ways, and I in no way want to minimize it. I remember desperately wanting a magic wand to stop the pain. At times I think I would have given up segments of my life, just to get to the other side of all I felt. God took me through it all, not around it. All I can offer those who are unwillingly single is compassion, empathy and hope. But even hope is a delicate offering. When I was first separated, a minister told me he was certain I would be laughing again in five years. He meant well and was actually correct in my case. But his comment offered no solace. It didn’t validate my pain and more accurately made me feel misunderstood and more lonely. I don’t want to make that mistake with a reader.

It’s important that we, as friends and family, come alongside those who are lonely for any reason. We can be there when someone needs to cry, or vent, or talk, or be silent. As far as it’s possible we can enter into the joys, sorrows and everydayness of her life and offer little pieces for her “quilt of comfort.” The more history someone has with pain and loneliness, the more easily she can remember God’s faithfulness before and believe in the hope of tomorrow .

Something else I’ve learned is all this change didn’t come only from being divorced. Rob and I sometimes lament the fact that we are still building the infrastructure of our lives at midlife. It takes a lot of our energy, and we thought this would have all been long done by 50. Instead since our mid forties, we have moved, remodeled, tried to “blend” families, started a new business, tried to make friends, when so many our age are already settled in groups. We helped to moved one of our 5 children for a total of 8 moves in the summer of 2013, and we didn’t even help with all the moves they made! I’ve gone from single to married. From full time mom and part time student to empty-nester to step mom then again, empty nester. To full time employed and back again to part time! I’m now trying to find the balance — more infrastructure to be built.

While we may have more building projects than those celebrating a 25th or 30th anniversary, I see similarities in their lives too. The empty nest and midlife contain many catalysts. Heart attacks, cancer, selling a business, retirement, grandchildren, financial changes, moves and down-sizing — all can cause us to look at life differently.

I am not a victim of divorce. I put the past behind and look with hope to the future. Loneliness, growing and “remodeling” are a part of every healthy life.

I will be 50 in July. What better opportunity to re-evaluate my life and seek to live the life I believe. What better time to recommit to seeking HIs Kingdom first. I’m evaluating my level of surrender and willingness to let God work through me. What is really my heart and focus. According to Gandhi, “Action expresses priorities.” What does my life say? I have much more experience, knowledge and understanding from almost 50 years lived — and they all point me toward more humility and a deeper understanding of the vastness of God, my position in HIm, and how little I actually understand. To more gratitude and more desire for Him and doing His will.

Loneliness and a myriad of other adversities in life drive us deeper into dependence on the One who is worthy. Nothing is wasted. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 This verse sustained me through the loneliness of divorce, and continues to today!

More to come on busyness, priorities, and midlife. I welcome your comments at the bottom of this page! God’s Blessings and my prayers for the lonely reader. I have been there.

Porch Reflections

February 28, 2014divorce, Freedom, gratitude, personal growth, Purpose, Uncategorizedlouise

last night's sunset — last night’s sunset

Hello again. I haven’t posted to Pink Reflections in a while…

It’s not that I’ve grown weary with writing, frustrated with my lack of understanding in navigating the blogger’s world, or fallen back into the fear of sharing my creative efforts that seem to pale in comparison to all I read (though all of those are temptations). I just haven’t finished any of the eleven blog drafts I am working on!

Nor have I felt an insistent nudge to write NOW about THIS — like I did a few days before Christmas when I stopped my shopping and scurrying to sit down and pour my (new) thoughts on paper in a one or two hour sitting. All my posts aren’t like that. Others start as a ‘series’ in my mind, are tumbled about and typed and edited over a day or two, weeks or even months.

My remaining unpublished reflections from the 2003-2006 period of life I ominously call, “the divorce,” have not drawn me in to add my 2014 perspective. Sometimes I just don’t want to go there. I want to write about wonderful, joyful, encouraging things. The truth is that God’s work in my divorce is ALL those things. To revisit that time and to share is to be generous with what God has given me. I will soon return to writing about “the divorce,” because it is in the posts reflecting on all God taught me through that pain — your comments reveal — God touched the most women. Thank you for your comments, here and on facebook. They are a tremendous source of encouragement and blessings for me!

This post is different. I am sitting sipping my coffee in a fuzzy cow’s hide rocking chair on my porch at Alligator Point. It is a beautiful morning, and oh so peaceful. Through many years, this sanctuary has been where God has best communicated His love for me, His desires for me, His delight in Me, His gifts to me, and His awe-inspiring majesty and character. God and I love to be together here. I feel His pleasure, His love, and gratitude overflows.

Of course there is nothing magical about this porch. God is available and longing to be with me always! It is my heart that is changed when I am here. Alligator Point is a beautifully slow place — where the urgent is forgotten and all that’s important rises to the surface. God’s presence rolls in as persistently as the waves. I cannot lose Him in the curious play of the dolphin. the soaring dives of the pelicans, the unique hilarity of the flying fish, the warmth of the sand, the exhilaration of the wind, the timidity of the sea turtle, the energy of dogs on the beach, the amazement and joy of little children in the sand and surf, the sunrises and sunsets…. even that list could fill 100 blogs! But if you’ve ever been to the beach (or your special place), you get it.

this morning's sunrise and the promise and joy of a new day! — this morning’s sunrise and the promise and joy of a new day!

As I was reading through Paul’s Epistles in The Message (all references in this post will be from The Message), I felt a nudge… “just write and share some of what you are learning, believing and thinking as we’re together.” So with no form or forethought, here are a few things the Holy Spirit has placed in my heart… I am writing them in ‘His voice’ as they come to me in my time with HIm. I have prayed this way for years — inspired by the little devotional, “God Calling” (which also inspired the wonderful and popular Jesus Calling). These are my words, my prayers, as I feel the Holy Spirit speaking to me today. I invite you into our conversation, and pray you will be blessed and only that which Jesus desires you to see or hear will come to you.

Be yourself. Fully alive as I created you. Share all that you are. Do not be afraid. I am always with you. I adore in you. I will always love you.

Stop striving and trying so hard to be good. To do things for me. Why do you return to that life? You know I simply want our hearts joined in love and friendship. That is all you must do. Open yourself to me in daily surrender. The rest is up to me. Don’t feel you need to start a new work. Open your heart to the filling of my love and let it pour through you as you open your heart to others.

When you feel tears as you did last night, notice. your heart, where my Holy Spirit dwells, I am speaking to you. Draw near to Me. Spend time listening to me — to know my will for you in this. Let me heal you and guide you in touching others.

Gratitude! See me and acknowledge me in all things throughout your days. Let praise and thanksgiving be spontaneous outpourings. Nothing exists without My hand. All is attributable to me. In ALL things, give thanks. Worship me with your whole life!

Prayer is crucial. Prayer is time spent with me. Sharing your heart. Listening. Agreeing with Me. Adoration. Notice how with your husband gone, you want to text Him a greeting in the morning, share little thoughts throughout the day, and go to bed with ‘goodnight’ and ‘I love you’ whispered from your lips. How much more I long to be with you all day long! I have given you this wonderful earthly relationship as a reflection of my love. As wonderful as it is, I AM loves you infinitely and perfectly. I am perfect love. Enjoy your husband in gratitude to me, but also let your marriage point you to Me! I am your top priority, your sufficiency, your first love. “Seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things shall be given to you.”

What I did while on earth, continues on… I live through you and all my children! Please don’t squander a moment. I created you. You bear my image. Do not censor or hide who you are, who I am — or the world will be deprived of the uniqueness in you that speaks of me. You are nothing without me, but you reflect the very LIFE of Christ through my Holy Spirit in you! Live as if you believe in your heart all that you know in your mind is true! Let me cover your doubts and insecurities with My love and assurance. I cannot tell you how excited I am for you to live this wide open life! Smallness, scarcity, and fears come from within. Open your life fully to Me and others. Live openly and expansively! “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12

“The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.” Galatians 3 It really does begin and end with ME! Let go of the old life. The old ways. The world’s ways. Look for ways to draw near to Me. To join Me. And I will draw near to you and make your path known. “When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace.” Galatians 5

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the works you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6 Remembering that it is I who equips you. You are perfectly suited for the work I prepared for you in advance. To the world it sounds harsh and limiting to say, ‘it is all about God, not you.’ But you know, in this there is great freedom! It’s not up to you! Respond to Me and let Me work through you. You will be blessed beyond measure.

“It is in Christ we find out who we are and what we are living for.” Ephesians 1 I AM is your answer. Put down your books for a while — possibly the 40 days of lent? This is not meant to be a rule to follow, but your joy. Put down you other good and worthy books, blogs and devotionals, and devote that time to Me — to prayer and My living Word. Let’s get close and intimate for a while to be sure you are clear on who you are in Me. Then, I will send you out in confidence to LIVE IT! To live out your inheritance. To join Me in the work I am doing! I have been preparing you for this time. Do not rely on your natural abilities; I am equipping you. Trust me. Cling to Me. I love you. Soon we will run on the road I am calling you to travel!

Watch what I do and do it! I love you! Love others as I have loved you. I am generous and extravagant with My love! Since all you offer flows from me, you draw from the same storehouses… Love as I have loved you. And fill the very air you breathe with thanksgiving and praise as you go. Celebrate Me everyday in every moment. Make it clear to all you meet that it is your joy to love and encourage them. Think about that. Everyone. Remember you are called to love even your enemies, and pray for them. Generosity knows no boundaries!

Be bold in sharing Me. When people hear of Who I am and all I have done, they cannot help but respond to My greatness! “The Message bears fruit and gets larger and stronger, just as it has in you.” Colossians 1 Share yourself with others and reveal me. Trust me to water the seed and grow the faith. All is done in and through Me. “Christ is in you, therefore you can look forward to sharing in God’s glory. It’s that simple.” Colossians 1 “Entering into this fullness is not something you figure out or achieve. … No, you’re already in … through what Christ has already gone through for you, destroying the power of sin .. God brought you alive right along with Christ! Colossians 2 Join me in all I am doing! Be alert and aware of Me through daily, intimate relationship. Pray that you will see the doors I open for you, and let me guide you to make the most of every opportunity. All things are possible with Me.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, Abba… I am so humbled before you. Thank you for loving me so well and giving to me so generously. Thank you for this little piece of heaven where we meet so intimately. I lift to You my prayers for anyone who reads these words that nothing will enter their minds and hearts that is not good and pleasing to You. I pray that you will bless them and grow their personal relationships with you, wherever they are today. I pray that all the readers of my blog will seek Your Word, the Bible, to know You and Your truths for themselves. I pray that they will know your salvation. And with it, Your love, peace and joy. In your precious name, Jesus, I pray. Amen