Category Archives: Mid life

Fruitful “Bunny Trails”

November 1, 2015Busyness, gratitude, joy, Mid life, personal growth, Purposelouise

1 Corinthians 12:6 “God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.”

I’m offering a glimpse into my awkwardly-haulted, mid life, empty-nester, sandwich generation life — but I’m hoping you won’t diagnose me just yet. Because wonder and expectation are the joys I’m beginning to taste, as God gives me a new perspective on who I truly am, and why I’m here right now. This crazy “bunny trail” might be fruitful after all.

If you’re new to my blog, you can click on red links for previous posts. Since last spring God’s message to me has been to abandon many things that once defined a good Christian life to me. To be still and listen for His voice. Midlife is a new stage, and He is doing a new thing! So, I stopped doing much of the activity that felt comfortable, good and right. My days begin as a pretty blank slate and end full to overflowing, but without an easy description.

In my decreased “doing” and increased “being” I’ve felt… what? It’s still hard to articulate. For the first extended period of my life I’ve felt insecure, inadequate, afraid, vulnerable, old, obsolete, invisible… like the me I know is slipping away.

Isaiah 43:19 “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

At the same time, I feel confident that God is doing something important — preparing my heart for what’s next. Secretly I’m expectant, but I’m also embarrassed. It’s now obvious to the casual observer that I’m muddling.

I was once a young girl living for achievement to prove my worth. Could it be that my adult “performance pendulum” needed to swing to what FEELS TO ME like the opposite extreme — an unproductive and worthless life — when in reality, I am discovering my sweet spot in seeking Jesus and His will for my days?

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I think God’s current work in me required this path where not much makes sense and I feel inept — because this season leaves me increasingly distrustful of my flesh and clinging more whole-heartedly to God: His love, His Word and His Sovereign goodness.

Galatians 5:24 “Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

I cherish solitude. I need to discover who I am in His eyes, what He’s teaching, and where He’s calling me. To allow Him to search me and show me where I need to repent. To let God fill me to overflowing. Oftentimes so much solitude feels lonely, but His call is stronger than the world’s distraction.

Sound peaceful? Think again. Here’s that real-life glimpse into my home with no “ugly staging.” That’s why I’ve been perplexed as to what’s going on. I think I’m being obedient, but it looks fruitless and really BAD on the outside…

I did clean out the stuffed-to-gurgling skimmer and even some of the leaves in the pool, but all while I was on the phone with a friend, so I couldn’t finish the job well… (half-baked is a theme around here)

The suitcase is still partially packed from a weekend getaway… 2 weeks ago. It’s become a makeshift dirty clothes hamper. The heels were from last weekend’s wedding (I didn’t decide which to wear until we arrived), the boots from the Young Life Banquet — all reminders of wonderful times, but I’m sure Rob wishes they weren’t just inside the bedroom door!

This pretty flower arrangement could have been separated into several nice gifts for neighbors after the event. What a great excuse to drop by for a visit! Instead it’s been in the garage… next to the citrus fertilizer I need to spread. Or did I miss that window?

I could go on… message me for the other 10 snapshots if you need more evidence that God’s directives can look messy.

I have ample time on my hands to do all that’s left undone. I just haven’t been using my extra hours to accomplish much of anything. Maybe like me you’re sort of dismayed by my neglect. I’ve been hard on myself, but unable to “get it together,” because the call I’ve felt to “be still” is much stronger than the urge to jump in.

Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, what do I wait for and expect? My hope and expectation are in You.”

I have made time to rekindled the gift of hospitality and met with or talked to numerous family and friends. We’ve shared, laughed, cried and prayed. I’ve been involved with a variety of people, but not in my usual activities.

In a scheduled world where so many people are driven to get things done, I have very little to show for my time these past months. God has given me permission to be available, unstructured and present with others. To rest and to be alone with Him, without words.

I’ve been able to “be there,” precisely because I’m not really needed anywhere else. I’ve felt uneasy with change. It hasn’t been glamorous or noteworthy — but maybe it’s been fruitful. I’m learning to let my life be a simple gift. To pay attention and be present. And that my “work” is no less valuable when it’s unannounced and unseen.

I think my Granny’s life held more secrets to the truth of John 10:10 than I ever realized.

I’m even starting to see the Godliness inherent in the mundane daily tasks required to keep the wheels on my bus — I just have a whole lot of catching up to do!

My undertakings aren’t very exciting in and of themselves, but I’m developing a refined taste for them and a new joy in each moment. I think it’s because all these little tasks comprise the humble everyday work of being me. Of life to the full.

What about you? Philippians 1:6 says “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” His work is ongoing.

Are you so busy doing what you do, that there’s no space for the Holy spirit to speak something new? Jeremiah 2:25 says, “Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? But you say, ‘I can’t help it. I’m addicted to alien gods. I can’t quit.'”

Or are you in transition — missing the “old days” and wondering if life will ever be vibrant again? “But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12)

Maybe you have to spend more time than you ever imagined managing invisible health issues? Psalm 92:14 — “They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.”

What is God whispering in your ear? Will you still yourself to listen and let God do a new thing? “May the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” (1 Thess 5:23 – 24)

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When Everything Around You Is Changing

September 18, 2015Freedom, heart of prayer, Mid life, Purpose, waitinglouise

The planned rhythm of my days was only an illusion. My veiled attempt to bring comfort, understanding and safety to a wild, wild world.

My stress level was too high. I‘m not alone. ABC News reported that “Gallup Healthways Well Being Index show that women ages 45 to 64 have the lowest well being of any age group or gender.” For the first time ever, women may NOT outlive their spouses.

God gently told me to “stop.” I did, and here I am in an uneasy transition. I’m very busy on the surface with the day-to-day privilege of loving my husband, 2 parents, 5 children and many friends — all while planning 2 weddings and maintaining a normal household and schedule (much like you, I’m sure).

Yet as far as formal serving, life goals and purpose go, I’m being much more than I’m doing. What’s happening in me seems to be more significant than the obvious disturbance caused by the empty nest of a Mid-life Mom… Who am I and What am I to Do?

I was recently asked, “what are you doing now that you aren’t working?” I started describing my recent flurry of proudly productive busyness — then stopped.

While a consumer of my time, my to-do list is not my life’s purpose. Not the a real answer to their question. I shifted, “I’m not doing much beyond waiting to hear from God what He has next for me.”

We all felt the awkward silence. Graciously my friend asked, “Are you still playing tennis?”

“Not much, but we are on Young Life Board.” I caved. The respectability of a definable position and purpose eased the uncomfortableness of the moment. The conversation shifted — I avoided prolonged awkwardness and with it intimacy, depth and authenticity.

It occurred to me that I needed to take to heart the ways God has been validating my journey and to be willing to share the uneasy nature of my current season.

You know how when God has a theme for you, it starts appearing in various forms from every direction? Well that’s what’s been happening.

God has asked me to take a step forward — out of my race car into a simpler life (like my Granny’s?). To let go of what’s aways worked and defined “Life” for me and to embrace an unknown, unrevealed future.

I’m reminded of the “already, but not yet” nature of our salvation. Is the Kingdom of God a future reality to be hoped for or a present truth to be experienced? The answer is both. We enjoy many blessings here, but nothing compared to our heavenly inheritance. We can grow and overcome, but we’ll never find perfection on this earth. Jesus has already defeated death, sin and Satan, but we must still fight the war… you get the picture.

He’s called me into the unknown. I know I’ve already stepped into it by faith, but I don’t know what it is — not yet. I’ve been in similar places. Where the rug was seemingly pulled from under me, life took an unexpected turn — I plunged head first into new territory, and God was faithful. Looking back it’s clear that my most important growth has intersected with life changes and transitions.

I’m rarely hospitable when Change first knocks at my door — sometimes it has to bust in. But when God makes it clear that my soul is clay in His hands, I’ve learned to trust Him. He always makes me more fully myself.

This time, His invitation was gentle. In some ways the subtlety makes it harder to trust that He’s at work. But I have faith that the growth He’s already accomplishing won’t be wasted, even though my path isn’t easily defined or labelled.

Following are some general messages I’ve repeatedly encountered during this already but not yet transition. Things God has been nudging me to live out — helping me to see there is divine purpose in this weird limbo. They all point to fixing my eyes on Jesus and walking in His Truth — always a good strategy.

1. Quit criticizing and complaining.
Negativity is derived from an erroneous belief in perfection. If you’re in a habit of pointing out the bad, switch it around! Point out the positive attributes of a rainy day, an overbearing person, a traffic jam… Perfection is a lie for this world, BUT beauty is all around us.

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thes 5:11)

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged.Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

2. Quit glamorizing and reliving the past. Life is in the present moment! If your mind is focused on the past with either longing or regret, not only does it detract from the present, but sometimes you totally miss God’s opportunities. The past is being used by God for your good — no matter how it went down. Today you have gifts to share and people to love. Be fully present.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:18-19)

3. Be Disciplined. Paul said, “…I take every thought (and project) prisoner to make it obey Christ….” (2 Cor 10:5, parenthesis mine) Much work done in the name of “Christian living” hasn’t been disciplined, but is birthed through personal impulse and desire. Every undertaking of Jesus was disciplined to the will of His Father — “the Son can do nothing of Himself…” (John 5:19).

Be real — what do we usually do? We jump into every project that seems good, worthy, interesting, fun… immediately, instead of quietly and methodically seeking Christ’s will for us first (This is not to say you can’t respond in the moment, but from a life of abiding).

“Practical work for Christians is greatly overemphasized today… But true determination and zeal are found in obeying God, not in the inclination to serve Him that arises from our own undisciplined human nature.” (My Utmost for His Highest) Though we are well-meaning, we are often simply doing “for God” things we have instigated ourselves.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

4. Love. Is God really my number one love? Do I even try to love my neighbor as myself? I’m not sure who my neighbor is in our modern world — or sometimes what loving looks like. The Greatest Commandment is certainly worthy of my contemplative prayer.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Matthew 22:37-39)

I don’t have it figured out — far from it! My overwhelming reality is that when I get to heaven, I will realize how far from His way I have lived. But I feel thankfulness and hope in this, not condemnation or despair. Thankfulness for the time and freedom to seek His face, and hope that He is transforming me and my life daily to better reflect Him.

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What Should I Do? Which Door Is Your Will, God?

April 14, 2015Freedom, joy, Mid life, Purposelouise

“I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut.” Revelations 3:8

I have a fascination with doors. They represent many things: peace, opportunity, challenge, protection, adventure, mystery… and a choice to enter or not.

At 14, I was compelled to enter the door of Salvation through Jesus: “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.” (John 10:9). Thirty years later I was absolutely certain God wanted me to uproot my family and move to Atlanta for seminary. I knew anything else would be disobedience.

No matter how wild the invitation, it’s a wonderful thing when God’s will is abundantly clear. More often than not, however, I’ve struggled to find His “ordained” plan for me.

I’ve begged, “please God, just give me a sign, tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it!” Almost always, he leaves me to wrestle with my decisions, dreams and motives.

I think it’s because God’s much more interested in what’s going on inside of me, than on the outside. God’s will for me is the person I become as I let Him develop the character of Jesus in me. Decision making forms character.

Midlife is a time I never really planned for. I’m not yet who I want to be, and I know there’s something meaningful yet to do. I feel a new urgency to step out, but to where?

I asked God who am I and what should I do, and he began transforming my heart. I’ve committed to trusting God to have His way in my life. To keeping my focus on Him. I’m expectant and excited about the future, yet I’m still listless — more overwhelmed by what’s next than compelled.

“Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors.” (Proverbs 8:24) I’m listening, God. I see many open doors. Which is Yours for me?

I want an unmistakable door. With a burning bush, a fleece or a talking donkey beside it! And a pleasant room inside, please. My real motives? For God to relieve the anxiety and messiness by telling me what to do, and for Him to guarantee relative comfort, meaning, and success along the way. I just want some downtime to enjoy life … haven’t I grown enough?

What God gives me instead is a blessing: divine doors of possibility without many details as to what’s inside. More opportunities than I could accept in several lifetimes, provided by God, to join what He is doing, for His purposes.

And usually, His answer to what should I do is — You decide. It’s up to me which doors to walk through and which to forgo (missing out is almost as scary as a mis step). The process might be painful, it will definitely build character. Lack of overt heavenly guidance doesn’t mean God doesn’t care about my choices, or that I’ve missed my celestial walkway.

Not what I asked for… but is this really good news? Could it be that inertia isn’t Life? That mistakes made with the right heart are allowed, even useful. I no longer need to fear missing my perfect door? My mustard seed faith in a BIG God is enough? So it is and it isn’t all up to me… the pressure’s off?

I ask God for wisdom. Wrestle with my desires and gifts. Redefine my strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledge that doing something well without passion is actually a weakness. I see some of my discontent as righteous restlessness, and some as my conforming to this world’s selfish ways. I open my eyes and my heart — expecting to see God’s kingdom.

God wants to bless from His great abundance. That should be my mission too. “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Col 3:23)

But how? Joyful decisiveness can be learned. When presented with life’s doorways, we can be closed-door thinkers (believing my worth depends on perfection, outcomes and performance) or open-door thinkers (committed to growth and embracing the journey).

In this post, I’m not addressing doors of temptation leading to immorality or selfish ambition (except in examining my motives and desires). Sometimes we lose the battle of flesh vs spirit. I usually know when I make a sinful choice and need to repent.

Instead I’m opening myself to endless divinely opened doors — all sorts of opportunities to join in God’s work. If you’re like me, this is where we struggle with choosing wrongly, which can lead to paralysis.

When I’m closed-minded I have to prove myself. Failure isn’t an option, so I’ll tediously arrange for my success and good image. My delays and rationalizations may seem prudent, but really I’m being self protective and refusing to trust God. I operate from the limited supply of my own strength. I’m slow to move and rarely take risks. My life is safe but unfulfilling.

When I’m open -minded, I know I’ll grow when I cross His thresholds… even failure is useful. I am confident and secure, because God loves me and goes before me — He’s already inside. I’m not ready or capable, nor do I know what’s beyond, but I know God is with me.

Every opened door isn’t for us, but as God presents them, shouldn’t we have just a slight bent toward saying YES! Toward the little ways we can engage and serve others to allow His love to flow through us, instead of withdrawing. Our small gifts in His hands are immeasurably valuable.

And especially in midlife, shouldn’t we say YES! to at least some adventures way beyond our means and abilities? Impossible without God. Outside our comfort zone. Often requiring us to join others and always to rely on God. Places where we grow and God unmistakably receives all the glory.

A word of warning: Once we go through God’s opened door, we can’t expect things to always be easy. “For a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.” (1 Cor 16:9) We have to remember, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” (Isaiah 55:8)

More on that and finding joy in the journey is coming down the pike.

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