Category Archives: Purpose

My Big, Fat Summer Vacation was Not what I Expected

August 4, 2015Busyness, heart of prayer, joy, personal growth, Purposelouise

Do you feel like you need a vacation? A break from everything? Are you burned out? Exhausted? Could it be a sabbatical of sorts is just what the Great Healer is ordering? That’s what happened to me this summer — in a most unexpected manner.

“In the natural life our ambitions are our own, but in the Christian life we have no goals of our own. We talk so much about our decision for Christ, our determination to be good Christians, and our decisions for this and that, but in the New Testament the only aspect that is brought out is the compelling purpose of God. “You did not choose Me, but I chose you” (John 16:16) …

We are not taken into conscious agreement with God’s purpose — we are taken into God’s purposes with no awareness of it at all.” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

It’s been 3 months since I last posted about the fruit of the Spirit. At the time, ideas for future posts raced in my head. Then — nothing. I try to write only when God is prompting me. He hasn’t again, until now.

The excerpt above is a great framework for where God is working in me. If you’re worn out, overwhelmed, and feel there’s got to be more to this life, you might relate to my story.

Back in the spring, I was working hard to know the life God wanted for me. Bible Study was going well. I was discovering my role on the Young Life Board. We haven’t joined a church, so I recommitted to the search. To building community here in Tallahassee (after all, it’s been 3 years). I was trying my best to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, neighbor and friend — and praying my way through it all. When God gently said, “Stop.”

Not audibly, but clearly. I knew deep inside that I needed to cease doing most of the things that currently defined life for me — what felt comfortable, right and good. Even things that “had worked” in the past. I sheepishly graduated my Bible Study group (who continue beautifully on their own). I totally missed church for more than a month of Sundays with summer travel. Thankfully, not much is currently required of me — because I’ve been strangely unable to initiate, organize, read, serve, pray or otherwise accomplish in my usual ways (poor Rob).

I resisted the temptation to gear up when life began to get uncomfortably slow… and I let myself putter to a quiet stop.

Despite my ineptitude, I haven’t felt far from God. I know He is here and orchestrating the details, even though I’ve been too distracted for months to mutter much more than one-liner prayers. Instead, I’m looking to Him without words and accepting His provision and promises. All my striving to be who I thought God wanted me to be was exhausting me and making me literally sick.

“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” (Proverbs 18:12)

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:29-30 – emphasis mine)

While on the surface there is somewhat normal-looking activity, my usual spiritual activity has been abruptly interrupted. I’ve felt sheepish, but not guilty. I think He’s teaching me to rest and listen for His voice…

Last weekend, for the first time in a long while, He enveloped me in His peace. The kind that passes understanding. The kind that’s all about Jesus and His promises. The kind that settles in and grows.

God is good. All the time. He has a plan even when it makes no sense — especially then. Because if we have life figured out and under control, it’s probably our own agendas at play.

He is more than worthy of our trust. Truth and insight continue to overcome me. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Yes… His fruit was the gift of grace I experienced driving home from another summer trip. And in the midst of several scattered showers, literally visible across the south Georgia landscape, we saw a brilliant, full arc rainbow.

In my last post, I suggested we want to be less like revved up race cars following the pace car (Jesus) and more like lowly containers on a freight train, with Jesus as our engine.

It’s obvious now that as I wrote, I was still in full race car mode. Jesus has not only ground my engine to a stop, but is inviting me to exit my car. To walk away from my definitions of a good Christian life, and hitch my life to His anew. Surrender is never ending.

We almost cancelled our trip to England and Ireland this summer. Since we went, it felt important for Jesus to “meet me there” and give me meaningful interactions with others and with Himself. I wanted my travel to count for more than just “self-indulgent vacationing.” I had ideas of how this might look, and tried to be alert for Jesus each day. Sounds like a race car just waiting to be cut loose!

Instead it felt like I was vacationing from God too — in Europe and all through the summer. My images of how He would “show up” didn’t materialize. The countryside was artistry. The Cliffs of Moher rising out of the ocean — majestic. The people warm and inviting. Overall, the trip was very restful and insightful, but I never found a space for normal “quiet time” or the things I wanted to do. Still, His hand was sovereign and His presence obvious.

Any “work” accomplished hasn’t been done BY me, but IN me and in spite of me. He is asking me to release my old view of Christian life and trust Him to light my way. In the present. In each moment. To be surrendered and available for His purposes. Being open to His will sometimes requires a little planned neglect.

I’m certainly not advocating for anyone to quit church, praying or reading God’s Word — quite the opposite. But I think I was so caught up in trying to do it all, and do it right, that I was often missing Him and His will.

In His wisdom God created for me, even seemingly mandated, a summer vacation of sorts. A sabbatical from all I believed useful and necessary to do for Him. He caused me to cease my busyness (even spiritual busyness) in order to rest in Him. To experience His Fruit in new ways. And to create a space with enough silence to really listen for His still small voice. That’s where I’m expectantly waiting today.

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Chasing Fruit

May 2, 2015Freedom, gratitude, heart of prayer, joy, Like a little child, personal growth, Purposelouise

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the fruit of the Spirit. I want to grasp and apply what it looks like to walk in the Spirit. A promising and adventurous ride is underway. After a long detour on the road to nowhere, God is teaching me much and giving me great hope. For starters I’ll admit where I’ve been.

Despite my best “good girl” intentions, most of my life I’ve misunderstood love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control as Christian virtues I should strive for.

The Bible is a Love Story — Genesis to Revelations. There’s always danger in lifting even a seemingly straightforward verse out of context. Let me illustrate.

If I tape Galatians 5:22-23 on my mirror as God’s standard and set out each day to be more loving, joyful, peaceful etc., the fruit of the Spirit may still allude me entirely. In the midst of fatigue, distractions, bad circumstances, and even mountaintops, I can so easily forget my goal. Then you’ll find me defeated and frustrated with myself — wondering why I’m so slow in becoming more like Jesus.

Other times I may experience limited success. Friends and family may describe me as kind, gentle, or even loving. Those times make me sincerely happy that I’ve been a positive light. It feels good, but I see the reality of my insides and claim only partial victory. Besides, I still want the fruit I’m missing — especially the elusive JOY that gave Paul a heart to sing in prison.

At the end of those “good” days I remember to thank God for the successes. I ask for more of His fruit that I can’t seem to reach. Maybe even seek His direct assistance in my quest to live out His Christian virtues — especially the lofty fruit on the uppermost branches. I’m trying hard, but those are just too high for me to reach alone. I need a little help, please God. Sounds like an okay system of prayer and fruit production, right?

100 percent NO!

If I try in my own power to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good,faithful, gentle and self-controlled — I may experience some fragmented success. But most of all I will have fueled my self sufficiency which produces pride. My goal is performance and recognition (for myself and God at best). I am self motivated, even if I sincerely want to be salt and light for God. And I seriously doubt my prayers that He assist in the work of my flesh line up with His desires. It’s subtle, but all I’m doing is opposed to the dead-to-self, dependent, God-focused life of walking in the Spirit.

I’ve given my best efforts to the task for fifty years, and Louise is simply not a spiritual fruit smoothie! No matter how diligently I seek to follow Jesus and to be like Him, I fail. My heart ultimately deceives me.

I’ve settled for little tastes of the various “fruits” at different times. Thankful for the larger servings, and resigned that the Big Kahuna of spiritual fruit just doesn’t come that easily. Maybe I should focus more on developing patience? Or just determine myself to be more self disciplined?

If you can relate, don’t despair… there is a simple and wonderful answer, that really is doable! Shift gears with me to a metaphor of explanation I’m borrowing from John Ortberg. It’s powerful.

How do we follow Jesus or walk in the Spirit?

Think of a pace car (Jesus) at the Daytona 500. All the cars (you and me) rev their motors, dreaming of the moment when the checkered flag (Holy Spirit) gives the signal to race. We have fine tuned our engines. Filled them only with the very best fuels. Painted, polished and prepared for the race to come. Until then, we obediently follow the leader. We mirror His pace and direction. Where He goes, we go — well as best as possible on a crowded track. We wouldn’t dare break lose without His direct command (opened door). We are Jesus followers!

Like when I tried to chase the virtues, we’re looking to Jesus. Following His lead. Waiting for His opened door, desiring to do great things… sounds like a good posture. “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death” (Proverbs 16:25). Good ideas and best intentions aren’t enough. Every race car eventually crashes and burns. Leave that track for another. Consider a locomotive with a long line of humble freight cars…

Jesus is the engine. We (the body of Christ) are hooked to Him, each in the place God chooses with the functional composition He desires. He provides our power, our direction, our purpose, our life. Without Him we are nothing. We belong to Him to be used as He sees fit. We do nothing at all except in His strength. He doesn’t need us, but He lovingly wants to use us to carry out His purposes… what a privilege! What a joy!

It’s not up to us to worry about all the details or the outcomes. We just need to cling to Him and let Him do the work through us. In John 15:5 Jesus says it this way, “”Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” It’s a different metaphor, but a similar picture.

God is revealing so much to me about how I’ve conformed to the world’s view of life, even as I struggle to understand what it looks like to walk in the Spirit. Here’s a taste of simple truths I’m learning.

I no longer deliberately set seeking His fruit (yep – it’s singular) as the goal. I realize I can’t be all those things, but I can surrender to let His Spirit have His way with me. In those times, I will exhibit fruit. With the help of more learned minds than mine, I’m looking to all of Scripture to give context to Galatians 5:22-23.

When I’m focused on trying hard to be fruity (a good Christian), it’s a sign that my love for Him is incomplete. When being in a continual, trusting relationship with God is my focus and priority, He transforms me. His fruit flows with regularity and spontaneity from His nature within me. It’s happened a few times, and oh is it sweet.

I can’t explain it, but I know it’s all Him. All credit, honor and praise for anything good in me goes to God. His work through the Holy Spirit producing the fruit of the Spirit in me and through me. That’s a ride I don’t want to miss!

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What Should I Do? Which Door Is Your Will, God?

April 14, 2015Freedom, joy, Mid life, Purposelouise

“I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut.” Revelations 3:8

I have a fascination with doors. They represent many things: peace, opportunity, challenge, protection, adventure, mystery… and a choice to enter or not.

At 14, I was compelled to enter the door of Salvation through Jesus: “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.” (John 10:9). Thirty years later I was absolutely certain God wanted me to uproot my family and move to Atlanta for seminary. I knew anything else would be disobedience.

No matter how wild the invitation, it’s a wonderful thing when God’s will is abundantly clear. More often than not, however, I’ve struggled to find His “ordained” plan for me.

I’ve begged, “please God, just give me a sign, tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it!” Almost always, he leaves me to wrestle with my decisions, dreams and motives.

I think it’s because God’s much more interested in what’s going on inside of me, than on the outside. God’s will for me is the person I become as I let Him develop the character of Jesus in me. Decision making forms character.

Midlife is a time I never really planned for. I’m not yet who I want to be, and I know there’s something meaningful yet to do. I feel a new urgency to step out, but to where?

I asked God who am I and what should I do, and he began transforming my heart. I’ve committed to trusting God to have His way in my life. To keeping my focus on Him. I’m expectant and excited about the future, yet I’m still listless — more overwhelmed by what’s next than compelled.

“Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors.” (Proverbs 8:24) I’m listening, God. I see many open doors. Which is Yours for me?

I want an unmistakable door. With a burning bush, a fleece or a talking donkey beside it! And a pleasant room inside, please. My real motives? For God to relieve the anxiety and messiness by telling me what to do, and for Him to guarantee relative comfort, meaning, and success along the way. I just want some downtime to enjoy life … haven’t I grown enough?

What God gives me instead is a blessing: divine doors of possibility without many details as to what’s inside. More opportunities than I could accept in several lifetimes, provided by God, to join what He is doing, for His purposes.

And usually, His answer to what should I do is — You decide. It’s up to me which doors to walk through and which to forgo (missing out is almost as scary as a mis step). The process might be painful, it will definitely build character. Lack of overt heavenly guidance doesn’t mean God doesn’t care about my choices, or that I’ve missed my celestial walkway.

Not what I asked for… but is this really good news? Could it be that inertia isn’t Life? That mistakes made with the right heart are allowed, even useful. I no longer need to fear missing my perfect door? My mustard seed faith in a BIG God is enough? So it is and it isn’t all up to me… the pressure’s off?

I ask God for wisdom. Wrestle with my desires and gifts. Redefine my strengths and weaknesses. Acknowledge that doing something well without passion is actually a weakness. I see some of my discontent as righteous restlessness, and some as my conforming to this world’s selfish ways. I open my eyes and my heart — expecting to see God’s kingdom.

God wants to bless from His great abundance. That should be my mission too. “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (Col 3:23)

But how? Joyful decisiveness can be learned. When presented with life’s doorways, we can be closed-door thinkers (believing my worth depends on perfection, outcomes and performance) or open-door thinkers (committed to growth and embracing the journey).

In this post, I’m not addressing doors of temptation leading to immorality or selfish ambition (except in examining my motives and desires). Sometimes we lose the battle of flesh vs spirit. I usually know when I make a sinful choice and need to repent.

Instead I’m opening myself to endless divinely opened doors — all sorts of opportunities to join in God’s work. If you’re like me, this is where we struggle with choosing wrongly, which can lead to paralysis.

When I’m closed-minded I have to prove myself. Failure isn’t an option, so I’ll tediously arrange for my success and good image. My delays and rationalizations may seem prudent, but really I’m being self protective and refusing to trust God. I operate from the limited supply of my own strength. I’m slow to move and rarely take risks. My life is safe but unfulfilling.

When I’m open -minded, I know I’ll grow when I cross His thresholds… even failure is useful. I am confident and secure, because God loves me and goes before me — He’s already inside. I’m not ready or capable, nor do I know what’s beyond, but I know God is with me.

Every opened door isn’t for us, but as God presents them, shouldn’t we have just a slight bent toward saying YES! Toward the little ways we can engage and serve others to allow His love to flow through us, instead of withdrawing. Our small gifts in His hands are immeasurably valuable.

And especially in midlife, shouldn’t we say YES! to at least some adventures way beyond our means and abilities? Impossible without God. Outside our comfort zone. Often requiring us to join others and always to rely on God. Places where we grow and God unmistakably receives all the glory.

A word of warning: Once we go through God’s opened door, we can’t expect things to always be easy. “For a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.” (1 Cor 16:9) We have to remember, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” (Isaiah 55:8)

More on that and finding joy in the journey is coming down the pike.

It’s great to hear from you. If this post resonated with you, you are welcome to share it through the social media buttons below. I’d love for you to receive future posts straight to your inbox by letting me know below or join the Pink Reflections Facebook community. Your comments are so encouraging. Thank you!